If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

Here’s an example: one of our clients emailed us frantic because her beau-of-the-moment posted a questionable status update on a popular social networking site that said "rocking out at [insert popular bar here]."  For our client, the questionable part was not the Jersey Shore reference.  The questionable part for her was "who is he rocking out with?" and "is she a 5’9 supermodel?" and "is her tongue down his throat?"   She immediately wanted to break up with her otherwise (her words) "amazing" guy who she’d been seeing for several months.

We’re going to give you the self-evaluation tips that we gave our client to help you if you hit one of these road bumps:

1.    Identify what upset you.    Are you upset because you have something to be upset about, or are you just speculating?  Figuring out what upset you is the best starting point.  For our client, it was the status update which suggested he was having fun without her.

2.    Take one step back.     Try to be objective. We know, it’s difficult to be objective when it’s your relationship. But, take a step back, and pretend you’re advising your best girl or guy friend.  What would you tell them? Write that down, and say it out loud to yourself.

3.    Figure out why you’re upset.  In our client’s case, she didn’t care that he was at the popular bar with his guy friends.  What she cared about is that his play-by-play of the club scene evoked images of scantily clad club-goers, and the debauchery that we only read about in USWeekly.  She was previously cheated on, and assumed that this "awesome" guy would not be able to resist the temptations that her past boyfriends were unable to resist.  Figure out why you’re upset – is it because you think they’ll cheat on you? they’ll break up with you because they find someone more attractive? And then move on to step four to determine…

4.    Is it you, or is it them?  Obviously, if the person has given you a reason to be upset, then it might be time to call it quits.  However, if the road bump is something that is a caused by your speculation, jealousy, or extreme caution (side note: we think it’s good to be cautious), take a deep breath before you resort to breaking up. 

5.    Talk to your significant other.  This is the tough part.  You can’t suffer in silence, and a good partner will listen to you and try to work through your emotions.  We recommend not being accusatory, and just being honest: "I appreciate/love/like/care about you so much, but, my insecurities/past relationships/etc. are getting the best of me and it’s not your fault.  I just have to let you know what I’m struggling with.  You see, the other day when…"  Direct? Yes. Uncomfortable? Yes.  But, it’s probably a more subtle approach than saying "I know you cheated on me with that Victoria Secret model when you went clubbing last week! Tell me you didn’t"

We hope these tips will help you next time you hit a road bump in your relationship.  Remember, the key to an effective relationship is communication and confidence.  Engage in both, and you will have success in any relationship.

First, get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex or old lovers.  That "box full of memories" under the bed? Throw it out. All of it.  Also, toss pictures, shirts, and basically any memorabilia of the people of the past. Not only does this create new space, it opens up the way for new people to enter your life.

Next, get new sheets. Your last set was romped around in by lovers of long ago. Fresh sheets and linens will now only have the scent of YOU on them.

Also, if you are really wanting to change and freshen up your place, paint your walls a new color! This will create an atmosphere that is totally new.

When you have your place looking (and feeling) different that before, it is totally liberating. Things of the past really become just that.  You deserve to have this happiness and new freedom. It is time to celebrate the new you!

1. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t expect to “get over” a break up in one day. Rebuilding yourself after a break up is like rebuilding a city. It takes time. Realize that you need to start with basic building blocks (e.g. Shelter, food, rest) to build a strong foundation.

2. Time heals all wounds. Like the pain suffered in a physical injury, pain from a break up is treatable with proper care. Though you can’t take an advil to heal the pain from a break up, you can take other steps to heal your heart. Take walks. Cook yourself a nice dinner. Relax. Figure out what and who makes you happy to make time pass more pleasantly.

3. If you fail to plan, plan to fail. You must take control of all aspects of your life after a break up. If you had certain rituals with your ex on certain nights, plan something else. If there are certain triggers that will make you sad or reminiscent, avoid them. If you inherit friends (or family) in a break up, control and manage your communications by coming up with buzz phrases to avoid talking about “what it was” or “what it might have been.”

4. Ask and you shall receive. It is important to ask for what you need during a break up period. If you want to spend time with friends, ask them. If you need time alone, ask for it. If you need help from a professional, ask for it.

5. Just do it. You CAN do it. Healing after a broken heart may seem like an insurmountable task but it is not. Just trust in yourself and your support network that you will get through it!

I know at the beginning of a relationship you push aside those ugly things that this hot girl/guy has hidden in their not-so-deep closet. But don’t. These nasty little traits are there as warnings. You need to objectively evaluate them. You need to step back, clear your love-struck head and determine if you can really see yourself dealing with these issues a year down the road. Because I promise you, the traits that this person has will not change. You cannot change a person. Just like the old saying goes, “A leopard does not change his spots.”

Ask yourself what your core beliefs are. What is important to you? What is something you are not willing to compromise on? Things like a guy’s hair color, his build and what kind of car he drives are not things that should figure into your core values. However, religion, whether that person wants a family and their lifestyle choices should be some of the things that you zero in on. These things need to be in line with your values. If they are not, you are just creating a world of hurt for yourself.

One of the many ways to not have your heart broken is to go into a relationship knowing that the two of you have core beliefs and values that are very similar. You want to spend your life with someone that believes the same things you do. You don’t need to agree on everything but you do need to see eye to eye on the big stuff. No one wants to spend their life arguing and angry. Once the honeymoon phase wears off, you will have to deal with these issues. Make sure you have set the ground work for a long-lasting, happy relationship where you are growing together and not apart.

Two important things to remember is:
A. Now is NOT the time to push your friends and loved ones away, and
B. Give yourself a well deserved break.

Regarding "A," this means that stay in contact with the ones that love you. I know it is easier to crawl into a hole and block out social contact, but this is counter-productive. When you are over the heartache (which you will be) those friends may not be around waiting for you. Sad, but true.

As far as "B," is concerned, give yourself a break. This could be a day at the park, a massage, or a frivolous shopping trip. It does not matter. You deserve to pamper yourself, and these acts of self kindness will nurture your soul.

So, two things to remember. Love yourself, and love those that love you.

I know that when I feel this way, there is something I always tend to do. Call the ex. And I don’t mean my recent ex. I am talking about the ex ex! The one from before your last relationship.  Why do I do this? It is not because I want to get back together with them.  It is more like I feel “safe.”  This person already knows me and probably has some feelings. The bottom line? My ego needs a stroking! 

If your ex ex is not in a new relationship and you are up front with your intention (not get back together), than this can be harmless an actually a nice distraction for awhile. But if he or she has moved on, trotting on that territory is not cool and can lead to trouble. 

My advice? If you want some comfort from the ex ex, make sure you are in the same boat with each other. Otherwise, you are bound to paddle backwards.

• 1.  Eat regularly (breakfast, lunch, and dinner)
• 2.  Eat healthfully
• 3.  Exercise and lift weights
• 4.  Play sports
• 5.  Get medical care for prevention
• 6.  Take time off when your sick
• 7.  Get a massage or other body work
• 8.  Do physical activity that is fun
• 9.  Get enough sleep
• 10.  Wear clothes you like
• 11.  Take vacations or day trips
• 12.  Get away from stressful technology such as phones, computers, faxes, pagers

Doing these simple things will make a huge difference in your physical well being. Remember, loving yourself is the best kind of love.

1.    Look Hot

Yeah, we know, your Uggs, oversized college sweatshirt, and Old Navy plaid pjs are comfort clothes. While they may be comfy, they certainly do not show off your assets! You should always take pride in your appearance, not only for you, but, for yourself. We’re not saying you should be red carpet ready at all times, but a little mascara, and some pants that actually flatter you may just get you noticed next time you’re out.

2.    Plan

There’s an old adage that says, “if you fail to plan, plan to fail.” The same holds true in your dating and social life. If you simply sit around and wait for someone else plan your social calendar, there is a high probability that you will be sitting at home next Friday. Gone are the days of high school and college where we had homecomings, football games, frat parties, and extracurricular activities to look forward to. Now it’s your turn to make your social calendar! Plan a dinner party (think theme: find a mister for your sister), or invite the ladies to happy hour.

3.    Get a Hobby

One of the greatest things about breaking up with someone is that you actually have free time to take care of yourself and do things that you want to do. Take advantage of your newly-found freedom by developing a hobby. This is not only a great way to enrich yourself, but it’s a great way to meet people and have great conversation on all those hot dates you are inevitably bound to have. Having a cool hobby makes you happy, interesting, and confident. Think about it – while a guy certainly shares your love for the gym, eating and sleeping, it would be much more interesting to tell him about that dance class you take (sexy) or your recent trip to some exotic land.

4.    Love a part of your body

This may sound silly, but loving a part of your body is your time to celebrate you. For instance, if you have nice feet, get regular pedicures. It you have a nice butt, do some extra squats. This somewhat goes along with our “Look Hot” advice, but it goes deeper because it’s about nurturing yourself.

5.    Pets

People (and particularly men) love animals. Go to that Sunday pet adoption, or even better, adopt a pet at that adoption. Not only will you automatically have a furry little companion, but Spike will surely bring the boys to the yard. If you don’t have time for pet adoption, make conversation with guys who walk their dogs – these are the friendliest of all men! Trust us J

6.    Conversation or college tees

Much like approaching a person with a dog, it’s easier to approach someone wearing a shirt that screams something. We caution you against conversation tees that say “Golddigger” or “Daddy’s girl.” That’s a little 1994. But go down to the trendiest boutique and buy a cute conversational tee. College tees are also awesome. So show some school pride, and watch the men line up to talk to you. Note that if you wear a college tee during football season, and your school is ranked, you may be asked football questions, so go to the trouble of checking last weeks score.

7.    Gym Membership

Joining a gym after a breakup is a win-win. Not only do you win by improving your health and body image, but it’s yet another venue to meet men!

8.    Sports League

The single, most sure-fire way to meet guys is to join a co-ed sports team. This is also a great way to spend your newly-found free time after a breakup (see “Get a Hobby” above).

9.    Weekly City Newspapers

Every city has a weekly publication that lists all of the upcoming bars, reading events, and concerts. Next time you’re out and about, grab one. Challenge yourself to go to at least one event a month.