Sometimes you get a gut feeling that something is just not right with your man. What should you do? Listen to your gut! You are usually right on the mark. If there is something “off” about what he is telling you then chances are, he is not being honest. Trust your gut and do a little recon. We don’t suggest you stalk him or put a trace on his phone calls but just be on your toes. If he is a player, he will show his true colors.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you just knew that the other person was full of s*it. And then later on you discovered that you were right. Well, what you were experiencing is your little voice of reason inside your body shouting out that something is just not right. How great would it be if you always trusted yourself!

Now, there are those of us that are worry-warts and please know that that is a different feeling. You have to start to listen intently to your inner voice and you will be able to tell if you are worrying over nothing or if something is truly wrong. It can be hard to tell the difference but start to try.

Players think they are devious and can pull the wool over your eyes but they are wrong. You will know when a man is “playing” you. You just have to listen to your gut for the answer. Trust yourself first, before you ever trust anyone else. You always hold the keys to the truth. Now go out there and use them!

It is our instinct to want to know why we get tossed aside. If you think about it, the pain from a break up really isn’t so much about longing for the other person, it is about the unanswered question as to why that person no longer wants to be with you! You, and your ego, want some answers.

BHR is asking you not to spend your time and energy obsessing, dissecting, and worrying over a situation that no longer serves you. If you had the strength to let go of all of the questions, and just look forward to your new future, your healing process would turn into Godspeed!

If you are meant to know all the answers, they will present themselves at the right time. So, challenge yourself, and look forward to brighter days ahead. Who knows? By the time you get your answers, you may no longer care what they are.

We are not underscoring the pain of a breakup. It’s tough. Days crying. Lot’s of questions.  Self-Doubt.  And emotions that run the gamut of sadness. 

But, once you look past the trees into the proverbial forest, you will see that you can learn a lot from a break up, all of which will benefit you in future relationships to come.  Here are some tips to make that break up a break-thru event in your life:

1.    Dissect why the relationship didn’t work.  This is not a blame game. Your list should focus on general things that contributed to the break up.  Thing general categories here, such as "Distance" or "Communications."  From this list, identify what you value.  If the distance was hard, make sure you only date people that live close to you.  If the communications were off, work on your own communications and identify partners who exhibit the skills and traits of great communicators.

2.    Be in ICU.  Treat yourself like you’re in intensive care after a break up. Nurture yourself. Learn about  yourself.  Get therapy, personal training, or other professional help. Be coachable and help yourself recover. You’ll have more clarity after!

3.    Get an ego boost. You may think it is unthinkable to go out on dates after going through a break up. On the contrary, go on AS MANY DATES AS YOU CAN. Go out with the blonde bookworm from Starbucks.  Take your workmate up on the drinks offer.   Ask that tan hottie from the gym to drinks. Going on dates will not only help you forget about your ex, but it will help you get an ego boost from someone who is genuinely interested in you!

If you do these three things, we guarantee your break up will be a break-thru! You will learn about yourself, your past relationship, and will get a couple compliments in the process.

And when someone asks you how you’re doing post-break up, tell them it was a break-thru!

A break up can feel like the worst thing that has ever happened to you. It can feel like someone has literally crushed your heart, stomped on your body and sucked all of the happiness out of life. It takes time to grieve your loss and to move on to the next chapter in your life. Getting over a break up will not happen overnight. Unfortunately, there are no magic pills. But there are things you can do to ease the pain. Here are a few things that can help to get you over the initial pain and make the transition a bit easier:

-Let yourself grieve. Get it all out. Cry, scream, and be angry. But don’t stay here too long. Listen to your heart and know when you need to start taking steps to move past the pain.

-Talk it out. Talk to your friends, family, ministers, counselors and/or therapists. Anyone that will listen to you and let you vent, use them to get all of your sadness out. That is what they are there for– to help when you need it. And you need it now.

-Get out of the house. At the beginning, all you want to do is to stay inside. That is fine for a week. But after that, get out. Hang out with your friends. Do things that make you happy. Try to do things that you enjoy, but your ex didn’t. This is your time to find yourself again.

-Exercise. Get moving. It will make you feel better and look better. And don’t we all want to look great if we ever run into an ex on the street!

-Make a list of things you want in a partner. Figure out what you want in a life long partner. What are you looking for? What are you not looking for? What are some traits that your ex had that you do not want in a future relationship?

-Reach out for professional help. When you feel like you need more than just a person to listen, reach out for help. Whether that be from us here at Broken Heart Rehab, a trained therapist or any other professional, don’t be afraid to look to someone that deals with relationships ending. They are trained to help you navigate through this period and to get you back on your feet and ready to open your heart up again.

A break up can feel like the worst thing that has ever happened. But you’ll be surprised to find out that when one door closes, another opens. And the next door could lead to the relationship that you have always dreamed of. Hang in there and know that with time, it will get better.

If you are interested in a phone session with Broken Heart Rehab, please email us at info@brokenheartrehab.com.

After a break up, we feel emotionally vulnerable. We want to talk to someone – anyone – about what we are going through. Who better to talk to than your ex, right? WRONG.

Calling your ex after a break up is a bad idea for the following reasons:

1. They don’t want to talk to you. If they did, they’d be calling.

2. It will muddy your feeling and slow your healing process. What is the point? Unless you broke up amicably or you were completely blindsided, there is really nothing one more conversation can do.

3. You will regret it. Trust us! Nothing good can come out of a conversation with your ex. Either they are going to be heartless and cold, or loving and confusing which will not be helpful to you in your healing process (see number 2 above).

If you really want to say something to your ex, write it out on paper. Do not send it.

It is time to move on with your life, and spend time building nurturing relationships, and not a relationship with your exes’ voicemail.

So what happens if you ask and they say no? Well, you gave them the chance. And then you must re-evaluate if this is something that you are willing to put up with in the long haul. How important is it to you? If this is a deal breaker, and he or she cannot do it, then you must let him or her go. You will not change someone if he does not want to change himself.

If you sit in silence and let something eat away at you because you are afraid of what the other person might say then you are being unfair to you and to him. You need to communicate. Be very neutral and say what you want. Be clear and concise. Let him ask questions. Have a dialogue. And be proactive. You only get what you want from someone, and from life in general, when you ask.

After a break up, we are particularly vulnerable. We miss the company of our significant other and we miss the familiarities that come along with dating someone. Simply put, the loss of a relationship – no matter how short it lasted – brings a void.

People fill this void differently. While some people prefer to fly solo after a break-up, filling their calendars up with self-enrichment activities, many people fill the void by going on dates! This is not a bad strategy and can be uber-great for the ego boost, learning experiences, and plain ol’ fun that dating brings!

Be warned, however. The combination of longing to fill an emotional void and immediate access to a dating pool can be a dangerous combo.

If you’re just longing for a place filler who can keep you bed warm on those cold lonely nights, you will inevitably try to move too-soon, too-quickly. Let’s put it this way, if you’re planning your wedding after the first date, you are just trying to find the oasis and NOT make a deep meaningful relationship with someone new based on whether you are truly compatible. A new relationship is not a quick fix to a broken heart. So take your time getting to know new people, and remember the only oasis is that which you create for yourself through self-nurturing and caring for yourself after a breakup.

There are a lot of weak people out there. People love to be by you when things are good and happy. But if you are going through a rough patch, they flee. I know you miss this guy but you deserve better. You deserve a guy that won’t leave, a guy that knows “this too shall pass”.

What can you do if you have been led on? Move on is your best option. Don’t seek this guy out. Stay away from him. His guilty conscious might want to stay friends with you but right now you need to heal. If you become friends six months down the line, fine. But not right away. You need to go through the grieving process. You need to figure out what you want in a man. Know that you deserve better. You want to end up with the prince and not the frog. So the next relationship you are in, take your time and really try to figure out is this guy-after all the smoke and mirrors have disappeared-going to stay by my side? If your answer is no, then tell and his frog ass to bounce.

If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

Here’s an example: one of our clients emailed us frantic because her beau-of-the-moment posted a questionable status update on a popular social networking site that said "rocking out at [insert popular bar here]."  For our client, the questionable part was not the Jersey Shore reference.  The questionable part for her was "who is he rocking out with?" and "is she a 5’9 supermodel?" and "is her tongue down his throat?"   She immediately wanted to break up with her otherwise (her words) "amazing" guy who she’d been seeing for several months.

We’re going to give you the self-evaluation tips that we gave our client to help you if you hit one of these road bumps:

1.    Identify what upset you.    Are you upset because you have something to be upset about, or are you just speculating?  Figuring out what upset you is the best starting point.  For our client, it was the status update which suggested he was having fun without her.

2.    Take one step back.     Try to be objective. We know, it’s difficult to be objective when it’s your relationship. But, take a step back, and pretend you’re advising your best girl or guy friend.  What would you tell them? Write that down, and say it out loud to yourself.

3.    Figure out why you’re upset.  In our client’s case, she didn’t care that he was at the popular bar with his guy friends.  What she cared about is that his play-by-play of the club scene evoked images of scantily clad club-goers, and the debauchery that we only read about in USWeekly.  She was previously cheated on, and assumed that this "awesome" guy would not be able to resist the temptations that her past boyfriends were unable to resist.  Figure out why you’re upset – is it because you think they’ll cheat on you? they’ll break up with you because they find someone more attractive? And then move on to step four to determine…

4.    Is it you, or is it them?  Obviously, if the person has given you a reason to be upset, then it might be time to call it quits.  However, if the road bump is something that is a caused by your speculation, jealousy, or extreme caution (side note: we think it’s good to be cautious), take a deep breath before you resort to breaking up. 

5.    Talk to your significant other.  This is the tough part.  You can’t suffer in silence, and a good partner will listen to you and try to work through your emotions.  We recommend not being accusatory, and just being honest: "I appreciate/love/like/care about you so much, but, my insecurities/past relationships/etc. are getting the best of me and it’s not your fault.  I just have to let you know what I’m struggling with.  You see, the other day when…"  Direct? Yes. Uncomfortable? Yes.  But, it’s probably a more subtle approach than saying "I know you cheated on me with that Victoria Secret model when you went clubbing last week! Tell me you didn’t"

We hope these tips will help you next time you hit a road bump in your relationship.  Remember, the key to an effective relationship is communication and confidence.  Engage in both, and you will have success in any relationship.