-Do you have a box of all the crap from your old relationship? Toss it!

-Do you hoard envelopes of the empty promises they once made to you?

Burn them!

-What about cute panties or intimates that you shared together? Tear them up!

You must make clean space in your new life. Not only does this open the door for a new love, but clears out all the old and negative energy you have surrounded yourself with. Also, it gives you a great reason to go shopping!

After a break up, we feel emotionally vulnerable. We want to talk to someone – anyone – about what we are going through. Who better to talk to than your ex, right? WRONG.

Calling your ex after a break up is a bad idea for the following reasons:

1. They don’t want to talk to you. If they did, they’d be calling.

2. It will muddy your feeling and slow your healing process. What is the point? Unless you broke up amicably or you were completely blindsided, there is really nothing one more conversation can do.

3. You will regret it. Trust us! Nothing good can come out of a conversation with your ex. Either they are going to be heartless and cold, or loving and confusing which will not be helpful to you in your healing process (see number 2 above).

If you really want to say something to your ex, write it out on paper. Do not send it.

It is time to move on with your life, and spend time building nurturing relationships, and not a relationship with your exes’ voicemail.

Your "final" words will never be good enough.You can send an e-mail, text, call, or show up at the doorstep with a another last message. But when you leave, it is almost inevitable that in a few minutes, hours, or days, you will want to send a new message that "shows up" your previous one. It is a never ending cycle and will drive you mad!

The solution? Do nothing. Constantly contacting your ex will slow the healing process dramatically, and hurt you in the long run. As well, you are only reminding your old partner that you are having a hard time moving on without them.

Your absence says more than a thousand words. Be bold with this, and discover how taking no action is the strongest move you will make.

There are a lot of weak people out there. People love to be by you when things are good and happy. But if you are going through a rough patch, they flee. I know you miss this guy but you deserve better. You deserve a guy that won’t leave, a guy that knows “this too shall pass”.

What can you do if you have been led on? Move on is your best option. Don’t seek this guy out. Stay away from him. His guilty conscious might want to stay friends with you but right now you need to heal. If you become friends six months down the line, fine. But not right away. You need to go through the grieving process. You need to figure out what you want in a man. Know that you deserve better. You want to end up with the prince and not the frog. So the next relationship you are in, take your time and really try to figure out is this guy-after all the smoke and mirrors have disappeared-going to stay by my side? If your answer is no, then tell and his frog ass to bounce.

 

1. Can your ex enrich your life as a friend?

 

2. Can you be friends (and only friends) with your ex without lusting over them?

1.  

2. 3. Can you both mutually look past negative fallout (if any) from the breakup?

4. 4. Will your continuing relationship with your ex affect any of your present relationships?

6. 5. Do you really want to have a friendship with your ex?

Again, there is no clear answer. The answer depends on your own circumstances and those which led to the breakup. As always, all relationships should be enriching and those you want to be in. If you do opt for the post-breakup friendship route, make sure to keep asking yourself the list of questions above continually to make sure you are your happiest you!

For a few weeks, I would sulk on Thursdays. I would even watch our shows and cry. But all that did was slow my healing process down. It wasn’t easy, but I created a new ritual for that night. Now, that is my night out with my girlfriends. It took some time, but what was once a painful day became a day I looked forward to.

What old habits are you hanging onto? Even more, do you still partake in them solo for the mere painful reminder? If so, I suggest you replace your old habits with your ex with new ones that are just for you. Do you want even more of a challenge? Then change it to something so different, you won’t even have a trace of your ex in it.

For example, was Monday night "movie night" from your past? Then now it is "bowling night", or "sushi rolling night". Don’t do anything that reminds you of your ex. You actually will start to enjoy your new routine that is custom made for the fabulous new you!

I know that when I feel this way, there is something I always tend to do. Call the ex. And I don’t mean my recent ex. I am talking about the ex ex! The one from before your last relationship.  Why do I do this? It is not because I want to get back together with them.  It is more like I feel “safe.”  This person already knows me and probably has some feelings. The bottom line? My ego needs a stroking! 

If your ex ex is not in a new relationship and you are up front with your intention (not get back together), than this can be harmless an actually a nice distraction for awhile. But if he or she has moved on, trotting on that territory is not cool and can lead to trouble. 

My advice? If you want some comfort from the ex ex, make sure you are in the same boat with each other. Otherwise, you are bound to paddle backwards.

This is common for people who are living solo. Not having a constant companion to bounce ideas and stories off of can be strange, especially if you have been used to doing that in the past. But here at BHR, we have a few ways to help ease those not-so-great days.

1. Start a “Good Day” journal.

Writing down your feelings when you are sad is easy. How about keeping a journal only for the days that you feel good? When you are happy and feeling great about your single life, write it down. Document what you love about it. When you are having sad day, reference your “Good Day” journal. Remind yourself of your positive emotions.

2. Challenge your thoughts.

It is easy to get into a mental routine. This means to repeat the same thoughts and emotions over and over. Next time you find yourself going to the same negative thought that you have been having for a long time, challenge it with a different thought. Make these thoughts mirrors, and completely reverse your feeling on it.

3. Adopt a pet.

If you do not have a pet, now may be a great time to get one. Animals bring much life into a home, and are wonderful companions! Your local shelter will have many animals that are in need of a good home, and knowing that you rescued a life will bring much joy to your heart! If you feel you are not ready for the responsibility of an animal, plants and flowers in your home will bring life into it.

4. Create a list of your perfect mate.

Make a list of ten things that you want out of a partner. Be as specific as possible. This list will be your guide. If you begin dating, see how your date matches this list. Do not compromise and stay as true to what you desire as possible.

Being single can be a very exciting time in your life! Know that it is common and ok to have lonely days. But remember; the one thing worse than being alone is wishing that you were alone.

We’ve all been there.  You’re at a holiday party.  You are in a fixed location close enough to the punch bowl, yet far enough from the exit that you can’t easily escape when your ex walks up.  What’s a newly-single supposed to do?  One one hand, you want to "play it cool" or act confident that you don’t care that he or she is there.  But, the reality is, your ex’s presence at the holiday party makes you want to dart advent candy in his or her direction. 

The ladies of BHR have come up with this guide to help you escape the presence of your ex at holiday parties this season:

1.    If you know your ex will be there, don’t reject the invitation to the party.  Rather, find out your exes ETA, and plan your arrival accordingly. 

2.    If your ex unexpectedly shows up to a holiday part that you are attending, play it cool by making minimal (if any) eye contact and have a polite (yet cold) greeting, like, "Hi EX," and immediately resume conversation.

3.    If your ex unexpectedly shows up AND wants to talk to you for some reason, be prepared with a stock buzz phrase, "Hi EX. I know you’d like to talk, but this isn’t the best setting. You understand, don’t you?" and scurry away.

4.    If your ex unexpectedly shows up AND wants to talk ABOUT you, also be prepared for this worst-case scenario. Some (crazy) people like to piss on what they perceive to be their territories, and find that trash talking is a way to go about this.  If you are forced to gracefully exit, do say goodbye and thank you to the host, not mentioning the ex-capades. 

BHR received this article from one of our followers, Ashley, from Rhode Island. We think it is a great article and wanted to share it with everyone. Thanks Ashley!
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I confess. I did it. I broke up with a guy for all the wrong reasons, or so I’m told.

Our break up started with the four famous last words, "we need to talk." After months of building up the courage to tell him that I just wasn’t that into him (yes, I said months), I could finally say it. Why, you ask? Well, I finally had a reason … that I could put into one sentence.

"It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not ready for a serious relationship."
What a lie. The truth was I was ready for a serious relationship, but, just not with him.

Yes, he was a well-to-do, handsome yuppie. Yes, he had a dog with a picket fence. Yes, he had values. But, just because he looked good on paper, didn’t mean he was right for me.

Let’s call it the pizza theory. I like a bunch of things independently: chocolate, goat cheese, sour patch kids. When you check the boxes and try to order a pizza with all these things as toppings, they don’t necessarily taste good.
Likewise, this guy had a bunch of great qualities (looks, deep pockets, drive, intellect, and generosity), but, put them together and we had a hot mess of an insecure guy, who wined about television show plots, snored, and criticized everything and anyone.

I had to break up with him, but, I couldn’t tell him the real reason(s). It would only lead to a fight or debate, neither of which would have a productive result. So I ended the relationship, giving him the wrong reason because it was the right thing for me.

Moral of the story… Don’t simplify compatibility down to a check-the-box form; look at the big picture. If you don’t do that, you’ll only get a slice of what a relationship is supposed to be.