Broken Heart Rehab

Posts Tagged ‘Men’

BHR received this article from one of our followers, Ashley, from Rhode Island. We think it is a great article and wanted to share it with everyone. Thanks Ashley!
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I confess. I did it. I broke up with a guy for all the wrong reasons, or so I’m told.

Our break up started with the four famous last words, "we need to talk." After months of building up the courage to tell him that I just wasn’t that into him (yes, I said months), I could finally say it. Why, you ask? Well, I finally had a reason … that I could put into one sentence.

"It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not ready for a serious relationship."
What a lie. The truth was I was ready for a serious relationship, but, just not with him.

Yes, he was a well-to-do, handsome yuppie. Yes, he had a dog with a picket fence. Yes, he had values. But, just because he looked good on paper, didn’t mean he was right for me.

Let’s call it the pizza theory. I like a bunch of things independently: chocolate, goat cheese, sour patch kids. When you check the boxes and try to order a pizza with all these things as toppings, they don’t necessarily taste good.
Likewise, this guy had a bunch of great qualities (looks, deep pockets, drive, intellect, and generosity), but, put them together and we had a hot mess of an insecure guy, who wined about television show plots, snored, and criticized everything and anyone.

I had to break up with him, but, I couldn’t tell him the real reason(s). It would only lead to a fight or debate, neither of which would have a productive result. So I ended the relationship, giving him the wrong reason because it was the right thing for me.

Moral of the story… Don’t simplify compatibility down to a check-the-box form; look at the big picture. If you don’t do that, you’ll only get a slice of what a relationship is supposed to be.

Have you caught your significant other getting frisky with someone else? If you answered yes, don’t spend your time carving your name into the leather seats of his or her car (shout out to Carrie Underwood fans!); spend your time figuring out how you’re going to rehab your heart through positive, fun activities that you enjoy!

There are too many eligible daters in this word in this world to waste your time with someone that doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. We don’t mean to get all “Dr. Phil” on you, but, through our own experiences, we know that the best way to heal a broken heart is to put the pieces together yourself.

This recovery period doesn’t involve a detailed analysis of why the person did it. We know why: she or he has no self-control. As much as they blame it on the ah-ah-ah-cohol (we’re full of music references, eh?), you need your own time to regroup and figure out if the person can give you what you want from the relationship. This does not involve asking:

(1) Are you still talking to the person you cheated with?

(2) Why did you cheat?

(3) What did I do wrong?

(4) When did it start?

(5) How many times did you cheat?

These questions are counterproductive, and won’t make you feel better. The only question you should be asking him is when he’s going to take his toothbrush out of your toothbrush holder.

While breaking up with an ex is no fine dining experience, between beaus, it is important to cleanse your dating palate.

So how do you begin?

Start off with light dates to stimulate the palate. Someone smart, who is good company, and who gives you a little ego boost (read: someone less attractive).

It is also important for the palate cleanser to be a nice, drama-free, and down to earth person person. Ask your friends to set you up with that token "nice guy" or "sweet girl" girl in their social circle. This person will be a good reference point in developing a taste of how you should be treated.

Most importantly, do not go out with someone that you lust over or who reminds you of your ex. That would be like tasting a pinot noir and then cleansing your palate with a shot of Jack Daniels. Remember that it’s easier to discover and appreciate new and finer flavors down the road if you clear your senses before getting to the next.

There are obvious signs that a woman is being led on, let down, or just plain ignored (usually after a wonderful romp in the bedroom, full of fireworks, so surely he will call!) Women have the luxury of wonderful girlfriends to ooze insecurities to and bounce off any of the famous “what ifs” to. But where does a man turn when in need of guidance? Who will be honest and point out the signs that she is not that into them? Sure, they have beer and buddies. But when it gets down to it, there ARE ways to tell if a woman is after your heart, or simply running from the start.

Usually with men, they are either into a woman or not. Not just sleeping with a woman. That doesn’t count. They either fall hard or not. Any middle ground truly is not enticing enough to keep one around. It’s black and white. Easy enough.

Not so much for a woman. Sure, we fall head over heels for some men. And they will know when this happens. But when we don’t fall hard, and we know you really want us, we sweep you into one of two categories: Sucker or Clueless.

It is not too easy to get the two confused. They are very different. Are you a man after a woman’s heart and she seems to be stringing you along? Chances are you are one of the two. I am here to help you figure out which category (to her) you belong in.

Being a Sucker is in some ways the better of the two. This is because you will be getting plenty of attention. Like, her car broke down and she needs a ride to work. Or, her dog Dolce is stuck at doggy day care and she would really love for you to pick her up while she gets her nails done. I once had a male victim that was such a Sucker that his lady friend convinced him to buy, build, and paint a new fence for her entire yard.

Men love to feel proud and boost their ego, and this usually allows it. Any attention from a female they are fond of makes them feel good. But there is a line that can be crossed. Ask yourself, “Am I being taken advantage of? Does she give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek after I paint her house? Is it strange I never hear from her again until she has another crisis?” If the answer is yes, then you, my friend, have been trapped into the web of an uninterested woman. What she is interested in is your unwavering commitment to do all of her shit that she does not want to handle. My advice on this is to become unavailable and watch how her level of respect for you magically increases.

Now, being Clueless is not as much fun. The ego is deflated like a three day old party balloon, as opposed to being puffed up on the bullshit that the Sucker gets to enjoy. Here is a list of some signs to tell if you are Clueless:

-You call, she never calls you back.

-You send her flowers; she never calls you to thank you.

-You send an e-mail asking her to lunch, she never writes back.

-You send her candy; she eats it, and never calls.

-You sit around wondering if she enjoyed the flowers, candy, e-card with singing teddy bears.

-You wonder because she never called you back. What she did do is make fun of you to all of her friends.

My advice? Stop. Just stop right now. Give the flowers to your mama. This woman does not care, and the longer you waste time on her, the longer you waste your time on everything. Because I know after a few failed attempts you will be scheming something bigger and better to get that attention you have spent way too much money and energy on. In the meantime, look around and notice the lovely faces of other ladies that would be happy to be loved by you.

I don’t mean to be harsh to you amazing men out there, because we women love you! We really do. I am here to protect your heart and pride so you may reserve it for the lady that deserves it (like my rhyme?). I suggest you do not be ashamed if you realize you have been a Sucker or Clueless. Women can be crafty. But if you do have this realization, it is time to change your behavior. Until then, ask yourself if you really should have driven ten miles to bring her that tall skinny mocha chino without whipped cream. That is, of course, after you dropped Dolce off at daycare.