Broken Heart Rehab

Posts Tagged ‘help’

Although going through a break up can be hard, there are actually perks to the new found freedom you are about to experience. The road to recovery may be tough, but there is a new world waiting for you on the other side.

One of the experiences is what I consider the healing process. This consists of different things. Some of this is shedding emotional baggage, some physical. Also, this can be transforming into a new person that never existed prior to your last relationship. There is a new you waiting to be revealed.  Emotional baggage will start to come off as time passes. Any hurts, wounds, and wrong doings begin to lose its power and grip. This is the natural process of healing. Like a bruise, it will look worse before it gets better. But once it heals, it is very unlikely you will bruise that same spot again.

You are wiser and more aware of that spot, not to hurt it twice.  Also, you may remember things about yourself that you forgot in your last relationship. Have you always loved painting, writing, etc ? This is a good opportunity to reconnect with your creative self.

Any emotion you feel, express it through an art you enjoy. Anger, sadness, regret can be channeled and made beautiful. Make space in your life to rediscover who you are and have always wanted to be. Right now is the time to express your vulnerabilities. The best work comes from a place of introspect, and it is very nurturing.

As well, reconnecting with your friends and family is helpful, but allow yourself some alone time to reflect on what you have learned from this last relationship. What aspects did you enjoy? What do you feel is best to leave behind and not bring into your next adventure? This is a time of rapid growth and can be very exciting!  So let yourself feel the healing process, experience it, and embrace it. There is nothing that time (and a few martinis) can’t heal.

Getting over an ex is hard. Some people turn to alcohol, food, or drugs. Other people turn to the internet. Indeed, the internet has become somewhat of a quiet enabler for those who want to stalk their exes after a breakup. With unabridged access to every intimate aspect of your ex’s life, it’s hard to resist seeing your ex just a mouse click away. Want to know whether his mood is “ninja” or “cantankerous”? Just log onto Myspace. Want to know whether his relationship status is “complicated” with that chic he was buying shots for at the bar last week? Just log onto Facebook. Want to know if his employer fired him yet for looking at porn during his lunch break? Check out LinkedIn. You get the picture.

Even if your conscience is your only witness, internet stalking your ex is a bad idea. Like the throngs of other bachelors on the prowl, your ex has probably posted a studly picture of himself aimed at enticing his female viewers to “poke” him on one of the popular social networking sites. His profile details are, of course, a snapshot of how wonderful he is currently doing after the breakup (mood: “stoked”; status: “single”), and likely includes several “wall posts” from one of his 36 “top friends.” Don’t forget his status update, where you’ll likely find that he is traveling to Vegas, or just fucked a playmate, or something equally infuriating as you sit at home watching reruns of Project Runway. After all, what better way for him to let the world know that he’s okay after the break up than to advertise it online to the world!

This is the pitfall of internet stalking. You’re going to see things you don’t want to see (read: your ex doing fabulously post-breakup). If your ex has succeeded in posting a salacious social resume online, you’re also likely to have the same feelings you would as if you were still in the relationship if you haven’t healed (e.g. jealously, anger, disappointment). This is a dangerous and unproductive behavior.

We agree with the experts who say that one of the best ways to get over an ex is to keep your distance. This means no drunk dialing, no sex, no “talking things out” just one more time, and most importantly, no internet stalking. Now, we hope you can see why.

So the next time you get the itch to see whether your ex uploaded pictures from a bacchanalian revelry or if he changed his status from “single” to “in a relationship,” channel that energy into something productive – like going onto bluefly.com and purchasing a dress that will bring out your inner sexy bitch.

I’m guilty. I tend to typecast by only looking for those prettyboys – you know, the ones with the slick hair, fast car, nice jeans, and million dollar smile? My heart melts (and repeatedly breaks) over these guys.

I think I’ve psyched myself out over the years into thinking this is the only guy I can be attracted to. It’s what I like. It’s what I know. It’s also the reason why I’m perpetually breaking up!

If you’re like me, you need a solution. Instead of treating your mate selection like a job requirements checklist, it’s important to venture out of your comfort zone, especially after a break up. Besides, why would you want to date someone who is the same “guy type” as your ex? It will be nothing more than a painful reminder of the reasons why you loved (notice, that’s in the past tense) that person.

Here’s the scenario. You like bananas. You also like bell peppers. Would you ever eat those two things at the same time? Of course not! The moral of the story is that just because you like two things independent, doesn’t mean you have to find them (or that you will enjoy them) in the same thing.

The same holds true for dating. You like guys who are 6’3. You also like guys with Pete Wenz haircuts. Just because you find a guy who has those two things, doesn’t mean you’ll be happy or that he’s your type. A lot more goes into the dating equation, and you must see the big picture (not just his bulging biceps).

So challenge yourself to break out of the mold. I know it’s tough – you may actually have to look a little deeper or in a different direction, but I promise you that it will be worth it. If you don’t branch out, you’ll never find out what you like and more importantly, what you don’t like.