I would never love again.

No one could ever love me!

Sound familiar? That’s what I thought after my break up. If life only had a fast forward button to month 3 post break up, I would have avoided a pity party and a lot of heartache.

My break up was bad because it was unexpected. And it was unexpected because it should have been me to end it. I shouldn’t have even dated the douche – I mean dude – in the first place. He was an aspiring actor/playboy/promoter who only cared about his (speculative, at best) career.

So I took it hard when he called it quits (or just stopped calling me).  I tried to piece together what I had done wrong for 3 solid months. I did all the BHR exercises. In that self-discovery (probationary) period, I realize that it was not me. It was him.

Now, that’s pretty profound. I realized he wanted to hang with strippers (not exaggerating). He wanted to spend money on his wardrobe and other, eh hem, hobbies. He wanted to spend time with single guys and girls in cabanas in pools in Vegas. Those things are totally fine, but strippers, poor money management, and blitz-faced boys weekends are not my thing.

Once I realized he was not for me as much as I was not for him, it was like the clouds of heaven opened up.  Great things started happening around me with my job, my friends, and my love life.  Just like clock-work, I met new non-stripper-loving hotties with actual careers right after the probationary period ended.

Moral of the story? Take time after a break up to reflect. It gets better and a good benchmark to assess your progress is the 3 month probationary period.

Ok, you have tried all types of things to ease your break up blues. You have had countless talks with your friends over your ex, gotten massages, had long walks on the beach, etc… But have you tried listening to upbeat music?

Studies have shown that one of the best mood lifters is music. But beware of the tunes that you play. Somber, slow ballads, or dramatic songs can pull you deeper into the hole of depression. But throw on some fun dance music, enticing salsa, or even authentic world beat music, and your feelings will dramatically lift.

Music is one of the most positive therapies that exist. While you are cleaning the house, running errands, or just hanging out, playing these pumping tunes will speed your road to recovery.  As well, if you find relief in mediation or relaxing, throw on some soothing electronica or new age to calm the soul.

Who knew therapy was so accessible? And remember to explore your horizons. Fresh new songs will pull you out of your past and have you dancing into your future!

A break up is the time to say goodbye and give the person the reason you no longer want to be in the relationship.

Along those lines, a break up is the time to take accountability for your feelings. Instead of breaking the other person down with all the reasons why he or she isn’t perfect, tell them why you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. Here are some examples:

"I feel we are growing apart because…"

"I can’t move past X and it is not fair to either of us…"

The key to taking accountability and not breaking you significant other down in the process is to talk about how you feel and why you feel that way.

Maintain your integrity, be accountable, and walk away knowing you did the most you could to minimize hurt feelings unnecessarily!

What is bereavement? Grief. The end of a significant relationship may cause a grieving process.

Everyone feels grief in their own way. However, there are certain stages to the process of mourning. It starts with recognizing a loss and continues until a person eventually accepts that loss. People’s responses to grief will be different, depending on the circumstances of the loss.

There can be five stages of grief. These reactions might not occur in a specific order, and can (at times) occur together. Not everyone experiences all of these emotions:

People who are grieving may have crying spells, some trouble sleeping, and lack of productivity at work.  It may take a year or longer to overcome strong feelings of grief, and to accept the loss.

Prevention

Grief should not be prevented because it is a healthy response to loss. Instead, it should be respected. Those who are grieving should have support to help them through the process.

Friends and family are major sources of help. Sites like this (Broken Heart Rehab) and communities that share the same feelings can bring great relief and accelerate the healing process as well.

People break up because a relationship doesn’t work, and not because of superficial things. Trust us when we say a breakup is not caused by your bank balance or because you’re 20 reps short of a 6-pack. And, if it was, that person is not the person for you!

Negative self-talk is also not productive. After a breakup, steer away from trying to blame yourself for the breakup. While it is good to be reflective and try to figure out what went wrong, remember that it is very unusual for a break up to be one-sided. It takes two!

Don’t blame yourself. Focus objectively on the reasons leading to the breakup. Move forward confidently, taking what you’ve learned from relationships past with you in the future!

In the beginning, we all put our best foot forward. It is natural (and o.k.) to step into a "character" that we would want to impress our beloved with. But after the dress rehearsal, who are you?

It is important, especially after a split, to stay true to your authentic self. Many times we tend to play "another" character post break-up, usually in the hopes that our ex will see "how great and wonderful" we are without them! This is normal, but putting up a false front can be exhausting. There is no shame in stepping out of the spotlight and taking time to yourself. This is a good time to reflect on your life, new goals, and healing your heart. Don’t worry about what your ex (and others) think about you, and do not create a false sense of self due to your pride.

Remember, acting can be a tough job, and your only job is to take care of yourself and your heart!

-Go for a walk.

-Spend time in nature.

-Call a good friend.

-Sweat out tension with a good workout.

-Write in your journal.

-Take a long bath.

-Light scented candles

-Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.

-Play with a pet.

-Work in your garden.

-Get a massage.

-Curl up with a good book.

-Listen to music.

-Watch a comedy

First, get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex or old lovers.  That "box full of memories" under the bed? Throw it out. All of it.  Also, toss pictures, shirts, and basically any memorabilia of the people of the past. Not only does this create new space, it opens up the way for new people to enter your life.

Next, get new sheets. Your last set was romped around in by lovers of long ago. Fresh sheets and linens will now only have the scent of YOU on them.

Also, if you are really wanting to change and freshen up your place, paint your walls a new color! This will create an atmosphere that is totally new.

When you have your place looking (and feeling) different that before, it is totally liberating. Things of the past really become just that.  You deserve to have this happiness and new freedom. It is time to celebrate the new you!

Walking is a great way to heal a broken heart. Not only is it heart-healthy, but it is a great way to heal the mind through meditation and reflection upon a relationship. It does not (typically)require the endurance running or other “heeling” activities, so it is easy to put on your comfiest shoes and just let your mind and body wander.

Take the time to breathe. Take the time to think. Take the time to reflect. Just take the time for you.

Healing after a break up is not easy. Adopting new rituals and doing things to heal your heart are more important than ever. Using your heels to heal your heart is just one thing that we suggest to help you do that.