Do you need to find out why the person is angry? No. If you do not have children with this man, run. Get out of dodge. If you do have children, go to counseling, immediately. Anger is probably one of the worst characteristics of a potential life-mate. Anger manifests itself so many different ways. It can make you sick, emotionally and physically. It can, and usually does, make you angry, scared and sad. And last, but certainly not least, it can be very dangerous and even life threatening.

We are obviously not talking about the once in awhile “I’m pissed at the world so I’m in a bad mood for a day” type of normal person. We are talking about someone with deep-seated rage. And you know in your gut which type of guy you are with. Stick to your instincts. Step out of the situation and imagine if one of your friends was dating a guy with the same rage that your partner has. What would you tell her? Listen to your own advice. And always, if you feel you can not get out of a bad situation, call for help. Call a friend, a family member, a women’s shelter or the police. Get out sooner rather than later. There are lots of great guys out there that know how to appropriately express their emotions.

Remember the old saying, “curiosity killed the cat”? Don’t let your curiosity about your ex’s whereabouts, relationship status, status updates, job (you get the picture) compel you to hit “Accept” – or even worst “Add Friend” – when using today’s social networking sites.  It’s very tempting to be given an all access pass to view all the intimate details about what your ex is doing, but you must reject the invitation. Think about it like this: if you’re not friends with the person in real life, why would you befriend them in cyberspace?  The ladies of BHR recommend that you remember another old saying when deciding whether to become cyber friends with your ex: “Just Say No.” 

It is understandable to act "out of character" while going through a big change. I actually think it is a good thing. All the activities
that you may have once felt held back from are now available to you.My advice? Take it on! But, not all at once. While the "new you" is a wonderful thing to become, take it in stride. Anything in excess can potentially be harmful.

I suggest finding balance between new activities. If going out on the town is your new love, then reserve at least one or two nights in.  Take these personal nights as a time to rest and reflect. Staying in every night? Then, take a night or two to go out. Even just a movie, a long walk, or a drink with a close friend is healthy. It will speed your progress by shifting a constant perspective. Creating simple balance while your new self emerges is important! And in the meanwhile, enjoy the change and the beautiful new you!

1.    Be Merry.  We get that it can be very depressing to see snuggly couples sharing holiday joy.  Rather than characterize these interactions as painful reminders that you are no longer in that relationship, be happy for those PDA-poster children.  The positive energy you’ll send out will come back to you in no time.

2.    Plan in advance.  If you’re left with no plans because of the break up, don’t fret and make plans. Whether this is reconnecting with family, or planning to volunteer at a charitable organization in November or December, you control the key to your social calendar.  Unlock the possibilities.

3.    Retail therapy.  We’re not advocating full-on credit card debt, but there’s nothing wrong with a little retail therapy during the holidays, especially given the amazing sales! Buy that sexy red dress that you will wear to your company’s holiday party (and stand under the mistletoe while you’re at it).

I was never that attracted to him in the first place. He kinda grew on me over time, like a fungus. And then, some how, I was head over heels. Ok, maybe not head over heels, (there were plenty of things that I would have changed about him) but I was definitely in deep. And he loved it. I was his prize. I was way out of his league (yes, stroking my own ego but telling the truth). And he knew it. People would question me all of the time as to why I was with him. Of all the people on the planet, everyone wanted to know, why him. But, like I said, the fungus had grabbed a hold of me and would not let me go.

So you can see my absolute shock and dismay when he broke up with me, I just could not figure it out. I was the one that should have left him. I was the one that deserved better. How did I let myself get dumped?? And, more importantly, why did I care so very much. After I spent many a day asking myself this question, I had to come to the realization that the biggest thing that he did to me was he bruised my ego.

Ah, yes, my ego. I did not ever see the fungus leaving me. I felt very secure in that fact. It sent me for an absolute tailspin when he broke up with me. I had thought about us not being together but I had always pictured it would be ME breaking up with him. Never, ever, did I think that he would break up with me. So when he did, I thought the world had tuned upside down. It just didn’t make any sense.

So here I am. I can continue to hate myself for loving him and bruising my ego or I can love myself enough to let him go. This has nothing to do with him. Well, maybe a little, but most of it has to do with me. I need to put a bandage on my ego and dust myself off and move on. I have let too many a day waste away over him. He was not worth it then and he is definitely not worth it now. I believe that every single person you date will teach you something. Most of them teach you what you are not looking for in a life-long mate. And a few will teach you what you are looking for. My fungus definitely taught me plenty about what I am not interested in.

My ego and my heart are wounded. But like Gloria Gayner says, I will survive. I will go on. And I will love again. This time, I have learned not to settle. I deserve someone who I truly love and who I am genuinely attracted to. Not just someone who grows on me after time. I want to thank the fungus for teaching me many things. Most importantly, to always trust my instincts, to know when to get out of a bad relationship and to never let any foreign substance grow on me because that is just gross. Really, gross.

Do you have a guy that lives off of you?  Do you support him not only emotionally but financially?  Do you pick up the tab every time you go out to eat?  These guys are the worst parasites.  They suck the blood and money out of you.  And I see more and more of them popping up all of the time.  I have two beautiful, successful, smart girl friends that are dating these leeches.  You would think they would know better.  You would think that they would know that they deserve better.  But they don’t.  I don’t know if it is their low self-esteem or something else.  But they are being taken for a ride.

I have noticed that normally these guys do not start off looking for handouts.  They are usually smooth talkers with big pocketbooks.  They will wine and dine, at first, to catch their prey.  Once they have you hook, line and sinker, they will cut off all financial benefits.  Listen, I’m all for women’s lib and paying for a dinner here and there, but when you are being taken advantage of-if you are a guy or a girl-then it is time to cut the leech loose.  When you are not only paying for his every dinner but rent, child support and nights out with the guys that do not include you-get out! 

Are there times in any relationship when financial struggles hit?  Of course.  A guy or girl can run into hard times.  That is one thing.  But when your significant other is unapologetically taking advantage of your good heart and paycheck then there is a problem.  And you know deep in your heart when that is.  When you can’t look your friends in the eye and tell them that you made his car payment for the fourth time in a row and he is going to Reno with the guys this weekend, there is a problem.

Please don’t let these guys-or girls-take advantage of you.  You deserve better.  You heart may ache for a little while when you let them go but your pocketbook and your head will sing a very rich song.

Should you have sex with your ex?  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Did I make that clear enough?  NOOOOOOOO!!!  Please for the love of God, do not have sex with your ex.  He doesn’t want you.  He just wants to get laid. 

Having sex with your ex will always lead to one thing…NOTHING!  Along with a healthy dose of despair and hating yourself more afterwards, sex with your ex is a bad thing.  There is no such thing as closure sex.  If you still want this person, and I know you do, having a roll in the hay will only lead you into the manure pile and not into green pastures like you are hoping.

He will not take you back because you blew his socks off (literally or not) in bed.  He knows how great you are in bed, that’s why he is calling.  It is outside of the bedroom that he does not want to be around you.  And that is just plain mean of him.  And that is why he should stay your ex and does not deserve to have sex with you.  Save the goods for someone else.  Someone who wants to hold your hair back when you are puking because you are sick with the flu.  This guy does not want to do that anymore, if he ever did.

There will never be a more defining moment for him than the moment he calls you and you turn him down.  He knows you are desperate to get back together with him.  He is a vulture and is trying to feed on your half dead carcass and pretends to breathe life into you by dangling a carrot, or his small penis.  This is not going to bring you back from your nightmare that has become your reality.  You will forever stay in his mind because you turned him down, not because you caved and gave into him. 

You want him to want you.  And you can only do that by not giving in.  This is the only way to take back your power.  You have the upper hand.  You went out on top (again not literally).  He’ll never know the satisfaction of being with you again.  He doesn’t deserve it.  And you deserve to be with someone who wants you for more than just a 30 minute time block.  Plus, I’m just sayin’, you don’t know where his carrot has been lately.

Trust me, you will thank me later for this, sex with your ex is always a big fat NO NO!

Usually with men, they are either into a woman or not. Not just sleeping with a woman. That doesn’t count. They either fall hard or not. Any middle ground truly is not enticing enough to keep one around. It’s black and white. Easy enough.

Not so much for a woman. Sure, we fall head over heels for some men. And they will know when this happens. But when we don’t fall hard, and we know you really want us, we sweep you into one of two categories: Sucker or Clueless.

It is not too easy to get the two confused. They are very different. Are you a man after a woman’s heart and she seems to be stringing you along? Chances are you are one of the two. I am here to help you figure out which category (to her) you belong in.

Being a Sucker is in some ways the better of the two. This is because you will be getting plenty of attention. Like, her car broke down and she needs a ride to work. Or, her dog Dolce is stuck at doggy day care and she would really love for you to pick her up while she gets her nails done. I once had a male victim that was such a Sucker that his lady friend convinced him to buy, build, and paint a new fence for her entire yard.

Men love to feel proud and boost their ego, and this usually allows it. Any attention from a female they are fond of makes them feel good. But there is a line that can be crossed. Ask yourself, “Am I being taken advantage of? Does she give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek after I paint her house? Is it strange I never hear from her again until she has another crisis?” If the answer is yes, then you, my friend, have been trapped into the web of an uninterested woman. What she is interested in is your unwavering commitment to do all of her shit that she does not want to handle. My advice on this is to become unavailable and watch how her level of respect for you magically increases.

Now, being Clueless is not as much fun. The ego is deflated like a three day old party balloon, as opposed to being puffed up on the bullshit that the Sucker gets to enjoy. Here is a list of some signs to tell if you are Clueless:

-You call, she never calls you back.

-You send her flowers; she never calls you to thank you.

-You send an e-mail asking her to lunch, she never writes back.

-You send her candy; she eats it, and never calls.

-You sit around wondering if she enjoyed the flowers, candy, e-card with singing teddy bears.

-You wonder because she never called you back. What she did do is make fun of you to all of her friends.

My advice? Stop. Just stop right now. Give the flowers to your mama. This woman does not care, and the longer you waste time on her, the longer you waste your time on everything. Because I know after a few failed attempts you will be scheming something bigger and better to get that attention you have spent way too much money and energy on. In the meantime, look around and notice the lovely faces of other ladies that would be happy to be loved by you.

I don’t mean to be harsh to you amazing men out there, because we women love you! We really do. I am here to protect your heart and pride so you may reserve it for the lady that deserves it (like my rhyme?). I suggest you do not be ashamed if you realize you have been a Sucker or Clueless. Women can be crafty. But if you do have this realization, it is time to change your behavior. Until then, ask yourself if you really should have driven ten miles to bring her that tall skinny mocha chino without whipped cream. That is, of course, after you dropped Dolce off at daycare.

Getting over an ex is hard. Some people turn to alcohol, food, or drugs. Other people turn to the internet. Indeed, the internet has become somewhat of a quiet enabler for those who want to stalk their exes after a breakup. With unabridged access to every intimate aspect of your ex’s life, it’s hard to resist seeing your ex just a mouse click away. Want to know whether his mood is “ninja” or “cantankerous”? Just log onto Myspace. Want to know whether his relationship status is “complicated” with that chic he was buying shots for at the bar last week? Just log onto Facebook. Want to know if his employer fired him yet for looking at porn during his lunch break? Check out LinkedIn. You get the picture.

Even if your conscience is your only witness, internet stalking your ex is a bad idea. Like the throngs of other bachelors on the prowl, your ex has probably posted a studly picture of himself aimed at enticing his female viewers to “poke” him on one of the popular social networking sites. His profile details are, of course, a snapshot of how wonderful he is currently doing after the breakup (mood: “stoked”; status: “single”), and likely includes several “wall posts” from one of his 36 “top friends.” Don’t forget his status update, where you’ll likely find that he is traveling to Vegas, or just fucked a playmate, or something equally infuriating as you sit at home watching reruns of Project Runway. After all, what better way for him to let the world know that he’s okay after the break up than to advertise it online to the world!

This is the pitfall of internet stalking. You’re going to see things you don’t want to see (read: your ex doing fabulously post-breakup). If your ex has succeeded in posting a salacious social resume online, you’re also likely to have the same feelings you would as if you were still in the relationship if you haven’t healed (e.g. jealously, anger, disappointment). This is a dangerous and unproductive behavior.

We agree with the experts who say that one of the best ways to get over an ex is to keep your distance. This means no drunk dialing, no sex, no “talking things out” just one more time, and most importantly, no internet stalking. Now, we hope you can see why.

So the next time you get the itch to see whether your ex uploaded pictures from a bacchanalian revelry or if he changed his status from “single” to “in a relationship,” channel that energy into something productive – like going onto bluefly.com and purchasing a dress that will bring out your inner sexy bitch.

It is scientifically proven that exercise is not only good for your heart cardiovascularly but also mentally. When you are heartbroken, you want to feel good and, of course, you want to look good! Since there is no magic pill (damn, they need to invent one of those), go exercise. But you “don’t feel like it”, I know staying in bed and crying and watching depressing movies sounds so much better, that is when you need to go out and work up a sweat! And don’t even think about grabbing the cookies and ice cream and booze while you watch these sappy heart wrenching movies, they won’t help. All these foods/drinks will do is make you lethargic and cause you to pack on the pounds. And that won’t show, oh what’s his face, what a big mistake that he made by breaking up with you. Instead, show him by becoming a more confident, healthy and sexier you by exercising.

When my ex dumped me, the only thing that made me feel better was to exercise. I would head to the gym and put on my Ipod and listen to songs like Chris Daughtry’s “Over You” and Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable”. Not only are they great for pushing your heart rate, they also gave me a “He’ll be sorry he left me” attitude. Especially after I whipped myself into super woman shape by going to the gym. I would smile when songs came on that spoke to me and assured me that “I would survive”, thanks Gloria Gaynor. It was an hour a day that I felt good about myself and I felt like I was invincible. I had a great, “fuck you” attitude about my ex when I was running on the treadmill. It is truly what got me through the dark days. I could not have made it through if I had stayed in bed and ate the whole day long. All that would have accomplished would be pounds gained and my self-esteem would have plummeted. Now, I’m not a gym rat. I hate the gym. But once I got there and I was sweating and my heart was pounding and I turned on my breakup mix (not the sappy one but the “you’ll be sorry” one), I was good to go. The time flew by.

Now, how does this apply to you? All you have to do is decide, right here and now, that you are going to use those sweatpants you have been living in to do what they are intended for you to do-sweat! That’s right, get up-NOW! Go outside or go to the gym and put one foot in front of the other, quickly! Make sure you are working up a sweat. Take out your anger and frustration on your walk/run. Bring some music that will make you feel good. Sweat for at least 30 minutes. Do more when you feel like it. And there will be days you feel like it. It becomes addicting and you want to feel good. So you will workout longer. And there are days that you will need to rest, but make those days few and far in-between. Aim to workout at least 3-5 days a week. You don’t need a gym membership, you can just walk outdoors. Start sweating that man right out of your life and in no time your heart will thank you for it in more ways than one. And by the end I know that you will survive and your hot self will look kick ass in a mini-skirt when you start dating a hotter, better guy that you met on a run!