Broken Heart Rehab

Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

When you are single, it can be easy to focus on things you don’t want in a mate. For example, you have a first date with someone. You may find some things that you do like, and there may be quite a few. But, you find one thing that you do not like, and that is all you can think about. They may have a great job and smile, but their shoes were awful. There is your deal breaker. Sound familiar?

If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

When you select a mate, you need to think long and hard about who you pick. You will know in your gut if he or she is “the one” (or at least “the one right now”). If you see red flags that stick out in the beginning, then you need to address those issues right away or they will only come back to haunt you. If your guy is jealous from the start, ladies, the odds are that he will be jealous throughout your relationship. And nine times out of ten, the jealousy will get worse. If your girl is a shop-alcoholic, gentlemen, then odds are she will be spending all of her money and yours, too.

I know at the beginning of a relationship you push aside those ugly things that this hot girl/guy has hidden in their not-so-deep closet. But don’t. These nasty little traits are there as warnings. You need to objectively evaluate them. You need to step back, clear your love-struck head and determine if you can really see yourself dealing with these issues a year down the road. Because I promise you, the traits that this person has will not change. You cannot change a person. Just like the old saying goes, “A leopard does not change his spots.”

Ask yourself what your core beliefs are. What is important to you? What is something you are not willing to compromise on? Things like a guy’s hair color, his build and what kind of car he drives are not things that should figure into your core values. However, religion, whether that person wants a family and their lifestyle choices should be some of the things that you zero in on. These things need to be in line with your values. If they are not, you are just creating a world of hurt for yourself.

One of the many ways to not have your heart broken is to go into a relationship knowing that the two of you have core beliefs and values that are very similar. You want to spend your life with someone that believes the same things you do. You don’t need to agree on everything but you do need to see eye to eye on the big stuff. No one wants to spend their life arguing and angry. Once the honeymoon phase wears off, you will have to deal with these issues. Make sure you have set the ground work for a long-lasting, happy relationship where you are growing together and not apart.

1. You only have to answer to yourself

10. No need to explain yourself when you get home from the bar "too late"

Nothing is worst than going into a new relationship with the emotional scars of a past breakup on your mind. They can weigh heavy on one’s mind, and even create friction in a new relationship where there should otherwise be none.

Our recommendation to you is "be kind, please rewind."

Here is what we mean…

Before entering into a new relationship, "rewind" your mind to the place you were before times got tough in your past relationship.

Let go of fear, and open your heart to the prospect of connecting with someone new. It is also important to let go of assumptions. In fact, the only assumption that you should make is that your current significant other is not like your ex. Remember that all people handle issues differently, and just because your ex behaved one way does not mean that every person will act in the same manner.

So, next time you find yourself building emotional walls or making assumptions about one’s behavior based your ex, hit stop and rewind. It’s the kind (and fair) thing to do!

We know it’s hard to get back on the dating scene after taking a hiatus! A million questions run through your mind: Will he or she like me? Do I look desperate? What do I say?  Those questions can be debilitating for someone who is ready to get on the scene but suffers from trepidation! We’ve put together some simple, quick "pick-up" strategies to help you get out of a slump.

Setting: Gym

1. Bad: stare longingly at that gym hottie from afar
2. Good: Ask her or him to spot you, or if they’ve ever taken a class
3. Awesome: Ask to spot her or him, or to join you for a class

Setting: Barnes and Noble or some other book store

1. Bad:  Avoid eye contact at all costs.
2. Good:  Ask the cutie about the book she or he is reading
3. Awesome: Grab the same book, and tell her or him that they have excellent taste

Setting: Bar/Restaurant

1. Bad: Hide out in the corner with your friends
2. Good: send her or him a drink
3. Awesome: send her or him an appetizer to share with friends