A break up can feel like the worst thing that has ever happened to you. It can feel like someone has literally crushed your heart, stomped on your body and sucked all of the happiness out of life. It takes time to grieve your loss and to move on to the next chapter in your life. Getting over a break up will not happen overnight. Unfortunately, there are no magic pills. But there are things you can do to ease the pain. Here are a few things that can help to get you over the initial pain and make the transition a bit easier:

-Let yourself grieve. Get it all out. Cry, scream, and be angry. But don’t stay here too long. Listen to your heart and know when you need to start taking steps to move past the pain.

-Talk it out. Talk to your friends, family, ministers, counselors and/or therapists. Anyone that will listen to you and let you vent, use them to get all of your sadness out. That is what they are there for– to help when you need it. And you need it now.

-Get out of the house. At the beginning, all you want to do is to stay inside. That is fine for a week. But after that, get out. Hang out with your friends. Do things that make you happy. Try to do things that you enjoy, but your ex didn’t. This is your time to find yourself again.

-Exercise. Get moving. It will make you feel better and look better. And don’t we all want to look great if we ever run into an ex on the street!

-Make a list of things you want in a partner. Figure out what you want in a life long partner. What are you looking for? What are you not looking for? What are some traits that your ex had that you do not want in a future relationship?

-Reach out for professional help. When you feel like you need more than just a person to listen, reach out for help. Whether that be from us here at Broken Heart Rehab, a trained therapist or any other professional, don’t be afraid to look to someone that deals with relationships ending. They are trained to help you navigate through this period and to get you back on your feet and ready to open your heart up again.

A break up can feel like the worst thing that has ever happened. But you’ll be surprised to find out that when one door closes, another opens. And the next door could lead to the relationship that you have always dreamed of. Hang in there and know that with time, it will get better.

If you are interested in a phone session with Broken Heart Rehab, please email us at info@brokenheartrehab.com.

Simply put: he is a Peter Pan.

We are always shocked by break ups. But, we can’t say we were totally shocked by this one!

Pete is the classic Pete…eh hem…Peter Pan.

He lives in LA LA Land, and doesn’t want to grow up! Men like him avoid anything adult-ish and shy away from women when they ask for a man. After all, they are just boys in men’s bodies.

The Peter Pan breakup usually happens suddenly – like an earthquake shattering your world! One minute he is flying into your arms; the other he is flying away.

This break up is usually precipitated by a series of relationship milestones, like anniversaries, significant birthdays, or other major life events that take maturity to deal with (in Pete and Ashlee’s case, kids, marriage, and fledgling music careers). One day everything is fine. The next, it’s like WHAM "I need space to fly."

Word to the wise?

Constantly evaluate how your mate handles the growing pains of a relationship. If he deals with anxiety by "boys nights" or hanging out with beautiful women to remind him he is attractive, he is Peter Pan (or Pete Wentz) in the making. Fly away quick!!

What is bereavement? Grief. The end of a significant relationship may cause a grieving process.

Everyone feels grief in their own way. However, there are certain stages to the process of mourning. It starts with recognizing a loss and continues until a person eventually accepts that loss. People’s responses to grief will be different, depending on the circumstances of the loss.

There can be five stages of grief. These reactions might not occur in a specific order, and can (at times) occur together. Not everyone experiences all of these emotions:

People who are grieving may have crying spells, some trouble sleeping, and lack of productivity at work.  It may take a year or longer to overcome strong feelings of grief, and to accept the loss.

Prevention

Grief should not be prevented because it is a healthy response to loss. Instead, it should be respected. Those who are grieving should have support to help them through the process.

Friends and family are major sources of help. Sites like this (Broken Heart Rehab) and communities that share the same feelings can bring great relief and accelerate the healing process as well.

If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

1. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t expect to “get over” a break up in one day. Rebuilding yourself after a break up is like rebuilding a city. It takes time. Realize that you need to start with basic building blocks (e.g. Shelter, food, rest) to build a strong foundation.

2. Time heals all wounds. Like the pain suffered in a physical injury, pain from a break up is treatable with proper care. Though you can’t take an advil to heal the pain from a break up, you can take other steps to heal your heart. Take walks. Cook yourself a nice dinner. Relax. Figure out what and who makes you happy to make time pass more pleasantly.

3. If you fail to plan, plan to fail. You must take control of all aspects of your life after a break up. If you had certain rituals with your ex on certain nights, plan something else. If there are certain triggers that will make you sad or reminiscent, avoid them. If you inherit friends (or family) in a break up, control and manage your communications by coming up with buzz phrases to avoid talking about “what it was” or “what it might have been.”

4. Ask and you shall receive. It is important to ask for what you need during a break up period. If you want to spend time with friends, ask them. If you need time alone, ask for it. If you need help from a professional, ask for it.

5. Just do it. You CAN do it. Healing after a broken heart may seem like an insurmountable task but it is not. Just trust in yourself and your support network that you will get through it!

Walking is a great way to heal a broken heart. Not only is it heart-healthy, but it is a great way to heal the mind through meditation and reflection upon a relationship. It does not (typically)require the endurance running or other “heeling” activities, so it is easy to put on your comfiest shoes and just let your mind and body wander.

Take the time to breathe. Take the time to think. Take the time to reflect. Just take the time for you.

Healing after a break up is not easy. Adopting new rituals and doing things to heal your heart are more important than ever. Using your heels to heal your heart is just one thing that we suggest to help you do that.

For a few weeks, I would sulk on Thursdays. I would even watch our shows and cry. But all that did was slow my healing process down. It wasn’t easy, but I created a new ritual for that night. Now, that is my night out with my girlfriends. It took some time, but what was once a painful day became a day I looked forward to.

What old habits are you hanging onto? Even more, do you still partake in them solo for the mere painful reminder? If so, I suggest you replace your old habits with your ex with new ones that are just for you. Do you want even more of a challenge? Then change it to something so different, you won’t even have a trace of your ex in it.

For example, was Monday night "movie night" from your past? Then now it is "bowling night", or "sushi rolling night". Don’t do anything that reminds you of your ex. You actually will start to enjoy your new routine that is custom made for the fabulous new you!

I know that when I feel this way, there is something I always tend to do. Call the ex. And I don’t mean my recent ex. I am talking about the ex ex! The one from before your last relationship.  Why do I do this? It is not because I want to get back together with them.  It is more like I feel “safe.”  This person already knows me and probably has some feelings. The bottom line? My ego needs a stroking! 

If your ex ex is not in a new relationship and you are up front with your intention (not get back together), than this can be harmless an actually a nice distraction for awhile. But if he or she has moved on, trotting on that territory is not cool and can lead to trouble. 

My advice? If you want some comfort from the ex ex, make sure you are in the same boat with each other. Otherwise, you are bound to paddle backwards.

Our recommendation to you is "be kind, please rewind."

Here is what we mean…

Before entering into a new relationship, "rewind" your mind to the place you were before times got tough in your past relationship.

Let go of fear, and open your heart to the prospect of connecting with someone new. It is also important to let go of assumptions. In fact, the only assumption that you should make is that your current significant other is not like your ex. Remember that all people handle issues differently, and just because your ex behaved one way does not mean that every person will act in the same manner.

So, next time you find yourself building emotional walls or making assumptions about one’s behavior based your ex, hit stop and rewind. It’s the kind (and fair) thing to do!