If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

1. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t expect to “get over” a break up in one day. Rebuilding yourself after a break up is like rebuilding a city. It takes time. Realize that you need to start with basic building blocks (e.g. Shelter, food, rest) to build a strong foundation.

2. Time heals all wounds. Like the pain suffered in a physical injury, pain from a break up is treatable with proper care. Though you can’t take an advil to heal the pain from a break up, you can take other steps to heal your heart. Take walks. Cook yourself a nice dinner. Relax. Figure out what and who makes you happy to make time pass more pleasantly.

3. If you fail to plan, plan to fail. You must take control of all aspects of your life after a break up. If you had certain rituals with your ex on certain nights, plan something else. If there are certain triggers that will make you sad or reminiscent, avoid them. If you inherit friends (or family) in a break up, control and manage your communications by coming up with buzz phrases to avoid talking about “what it was” or “what it might have been.”

4. Ask and you shall receive. It is important to ask for what you need during a break up period. If you want to spend time with friends, ask them. If you need time alone, ask for it. If you need help from a professional, ask for it.

5. Just do it. You CAN do it. Healing after a broken heart may seem like an insurmountable task but it is not. Just trust in yourself and your support network that you will get through it!

Walking is a great way to heal a broken heart. Not only is it heart-healthy, but it is a great way to heal the mind through meditation and reflection upon a relationship. It does not (typically)require the endurance running or other “heeling” activities, so it is easy to put on your comfiest shoes and just let your mind and body wander.

Take the time to breathe. Take the time to think. Take the time to reflect. Just take the time for you.

Healing after a break up is not easy. Adopting new rituals and doing things to heal your heart are more important than ever. Using your heels to heal your heart is just one thing that we suggest to help you do that.

For a few weeks, I would sulk on Thursdays. I would even watch our shows and cry. But all that did was slow my healing process down. It wasn’t easy, but I created a new ritual for that night. Now, that is my night out with my girlfriends. It took some time, but what was once a painful day became a day I looked forward to.

What old habits are you hanging onto? Even more, do you still partake in them solo for the mere painful reminder? If so, I suggest you replace your old habits with your ex with new ones that are just for you. Do you want even more of a challenge? Then change it to something so different, you won’t even have a trace of your ex in it.

For example, was Monday night "movie night" from your past? Then now it is "bowling night", or "sushi rolling night". Don’t do anything that reminds you of your ex. You actually will start to enjoy your new routine that is custom made for the fabulous new you!

I know that when I feel this way, there is something I always tend to do. Call the ex. And I don’t mean my recent ex. I am talking about the ex ex! The one from before your last relationship.  Why do I do this? It is not because I want to get back together with them.  It is more like I feel “safe.”  This person already knows me and probably has some feelings. The bottom line? My ego needs a stroking! 

If your ex ex is not in a new relationship and you are up front with your intention (not get back together), than this can be harmless an actually a nice distraction for awhile. But if he or she has moved on, trotting on that territory is not cool and can lead to trouble. 

My advice? If you want some comfort from the ex ex, make sure you are in the same boat with each other. Otherwise, you are bound to paddle backwards.

Our recommendation to you is "be kind, please rewind."

Here is what we mean…

Before entering into a new relationship, "rewind" your mind to the place you were before times got tough in your past relationship.

Let go of fear, and open your heart to the prospect of connecting with someone new. It is also important to let go of assumptions. In fact, the only assumption that you should make is that your current significant other is not like your ex. Remember that all people handle issues differently, and just because your ex behaved one way does not mean that every person will act in the same manner.

So, next time you find yourself building emotional walls or making assumptions about one’s behavior based your ex, hit stop and rewind. It’s the kind (and fair) thing to do!

2009 showed that even celebrities are not immune to a broken heart. Here are the top ten celebrity breakups of 2009:

1. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins So sad. Can’t believe this long standing power couple split.
2. Robyn and Mel Gibson Thought these two would last. She put up with lots of his crap and still stayed. I’m sure their attorneys made out like bandits during this divorce.
3. Rosie O’ Donnell and Kelli Carpenter These two seemed to be a very happy couple. Proves that you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
4. James Van Der Beek and Heather McComb We here at BHR love us some Dawson. But I guess Heather decided that Dawson should have ended up with Joey, not her.
5. Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley These two young rockers were very cute together. Unfortunately, their puppy love did not last.
6. Billy Joel and Katie Lee These two were the couple that wanted to prove that a dramatic age difference does not matter. Only they know what ultimately ended their relationship, but we know that Billy Joel will be Movin’ Out.
7. LeAnn Rimes and Dean Sheremet Amidst allegations that LeAnn was seeing Eddie Cibrian, these two finally called it quits. Dean filed for divorce. Our heart goes out to Dean.
8. Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman These two comics called it off after 5 long years of being together. We were hoping for a little comic-genius offspring but alas, no such luck.
9. Chris Evert and Greg Norman The two famous athletes (her-tennis and him-golf) decided that 15 months was long enough to be married and separated. Chris will have to find a new doubles partner.
10. Kate and John Gosselin ‘Nuff said

•Can you forgive the person for what happened?
•Are you and your significant other willing to meet halfway to try to work on overcoming the recent relationship challenge?
•Do you honestly believe that you can move past and accept (without resentment) what happened between you and your significant other?

Remember that one of the benefits of being in a relationship with another person is to feel happy and grow.  If you can’t answer yes to either of the questions above, happiness and growth may me a problem.

If you answered no to any of the questions above, you should spend some time deciding and discussing with your significant other what’s in each of your respective best interests to make up or break up.

You need to work. Not just for the financial aspects but for the mental ones, too. It forces you to get out of the house and be around others. Although this do not sound appealing at all right now, it is so important. Human interaction is crucial at this time. Notice I say human because your dog does not count. Fido might be great to help you through but you need others. You need to talk to others.

Now this brings up a sticky situation. You should not be in your office spending countless hours talking to your co-workers or, God forbid, your boss about your breakup. You can let them know that you have broken up with your significant other and you are having a hard time but you will do your best to leave it outside of the office. This is professional and it will let them know that you may not be 100% but you are going to try to put it aside for the 8 hours you are in your place of work. And honestly, during a breakup, how great is it to have 8 hours of any distraction.  Pretty good, right.  Eight less hours that you will not be just wallowing in self-pity. 

Right now work is good for you.  Get out there, be productive and who knows, you might just find Mr. or Ms. Right in the elevator, on the subway, at Starbucks, or even on the way to your job!

Setting: Gym

1. Bad: stare longingly at that gym hottie from afar
2. Good: Ask her or him to spot you, or if they’ve ever taken a class
3. Awesome: Ask to spot her or him, or to join you for a class

Setting: Barnes and Noble or some other book store

1. Bad:  Avoid eye contact at all costs.
2. Good:  Ask the cutie about the book she or he is reading
3. Awesome: Grab the same book, and tell her or him that they have excellent taste

Setting: Bar/Restaurant

1. Bad: Hide out in the corner with your friends
2. Good: send her or him a drink
3. Awesome: send her or him an appetizer to share with friends