Broken Heart Rehab

Posts Tagged ‘broken heart’

When you are single, it can be easy to focus on things you don’t want in a mate. For example, you have a first date with someone. You may find some things that you do like, and there may be quite a few. But, you find one thing that you do not like, and that is all you can think about. They may have a great job and smile, but their shoes were awful. There is your deal breaker. Sound familiar?

If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

Breaking up is hard to do. Getting over it is even harder. There are, however, some coping strategies to help you get through a relationship transition.

1. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t expect to “get over” a break up in one day. Rebuilding yourself after a break up is like rebuilding a city. It takes time. Realize that you need to start with basic building blocks (e.g. Shelter, food, rest) to build a strong foundation.

2. Time heals all wounds. Like the pain suffered in a physical injury, pain from a break up is treatable with proper care. Though you can’t take an advil to heal the pain from a break up, you can take other steps to heal your heart. Take walks. Cook yourself a nice dinner. Relax. Figure out what and who makes you happy to make time pass more pleasantly.

3. If you fail to plan, plan to fail. You must take control of all aspects of your life after a break up. If you had certain rituals with your ex on certain nights, plan something else. If there are certain triggers that will make you sad or reminiscent, avoid them. If you inherit friends (or family) in a break up, control and manage your communications by coming up with buzz phrases to avoid talking about “what it was” or “what it might have been.”

4. Ask and you shall receive. It is important to ask for what you need during a break up period. If you want to spend time with friends, ask them. If you need time alone, ask for it. If you need help from a professional, ask for it.

5. Just do it. You CAN do it. Healing after a broken heart may seem like an insurmountable task but it is not. Just trust in yourself and your support network that you will get through it!

One of our favorite ways to heal a broken heart is through heels.
No, we’re not talking about shoe shopping (though, it is a past time of ours). We’re talking about enlisting your heels and walking!

Walking is a great way to heal a broken heart. Not only is it heart-healthy, but it is a great way to heal the mind through meditation and reflection upon a relationship. It does not (typically)require the endurance running or other “heeling” activities, so it is easy to put on your comfiest shoes and just let your mind and body wander.

Take the time to breathe. Take the time to think. Take the time to reflect. Just take the time for you.

Healing after a break up is not easy. Adopting new rituals and doing things to heal your heart are more important than ever. Using your heels to heal your heart is just one thing that we suggest to help you do that.

One of the toughest things about a break up is breaking the habit. By "the habit", I mean the routines and rituals that are created in a relationship. For example, every Thursday night my ex and I would watch our favorite shows together. Once the relationship bit the dust, Thursdays really sucked. It was one of the many reminders of what we once had and did together.

For a few weeks, I would sulk on Thursdays. I would even watch our shows and cry. But all that did was slow my healing process down. It wasn’t easy, but I created a new ritual for that night. Now, that is my night out with my girlfriends. It took some time, but what was once a painful day became a day I looked forward to.

What old habits are you hanging onto? Even more, do you still partake in them solo for the mere painful reminder? If so, I suggest you replace your old habits with your ex with new ones that are just for you. Do you want even more of a challenge? Then change it to something so different, you won’t even have a trace of your ex in it.

For example, was Monday night "movie night" from your past? Then now it is "bowling night", or "sushi rolling night". Don’t do anything that reminds you of your ex. You actually will start to enjoy your new routine that is custom made for the fabulous new you!

Feeling lonely? Confused? If you have a broken heart, than you probably do. It is ok to feel sad and lost during this time. More than likely you are feeling vulnerable as well.

I know that when I feel this way, there is something I always tend to do. Call the ex. And I don’t mean my recent ex. I am talking about the ex ex! The one from before your last relationship.  Why do I do this? It is not because I want to get back together with them.  It is more like I feel “safe.”  This person already knows me and probably has some feelings. The bottom line? My ego needs a stroking! 

If your ex ex is not in a new relationship and you are up front with your intention (not get back together), than this can be harmless an actually a nice distraction for awhile. But if he or she has moved on, trotting on that territory is not cool and can lead to trouble. 

My advice? If you want some comfort from the ex ex, make sure you are in the same boat with each other. Otherwise, you are bound to paddle backwards.