Broken Heart Rehab

Posts Tagged ‘Break up advice’

One of the toughest things about a break up is breaking the habit. By "the habit", I mean the routines and rituals that are created in a relationship. For example, every Thursday night my ex and I would watch our favorite shows together. Once the relationship bit the dust, Thursdays really sucked. It was one of the many reminders of what we once had and did together.

For a few weeks, I would sulk on Thursdays. I would even watch our shows and cry. But all that did was slow my healing process down. It wasn’t easy, but I created a new ritual for that night. Now, that is my night out with my girlfriends. It took some time, but what was once a painful day became a day I looked forward to.

What old habits are you hanging onto? Even more, do you still partake in them solo for the mere painful reminder? If so, I suggest you replace your old habits with your ex with new ones that are just for you. Do you want even more of a challenge? Then change it to something so different, you won’t even have a trace of your ex in it.

For example, was Monday night "movie night" from your past? Then now it is "bowling night", or "sushi rolling night". Don’t do anything that reminds you of your ex. You actually will start to enjoy your new routine that is custom made for the fabulous new you!

Making the decision to break up is a big one, and one that requires a lot of consideration. Keep in mind, however, that not all roads lead to a break up. There are times when a make-up is better than a break up. In trying to figure out whether you want to make (or break) the relationship, ask yourself the following:

•Can you forgive the person for what happened?
•Are you and your significant other willing to meet halfway to try to work on overcoming the recent relationship challenge?
•Do you honestly believe that you can move past and accept (without resentment) what happened between you and your significant other?

Remember that one of the benefits of being in a relationship with another person is to feel happy and grow.  If you can’t answer yes to either of the questions above, happiness and growth may me a problem.

If you answered no to any of the questions above, you should spend some time deciding and discussing with your significant other what’s in each of your respective best interests to make up or break up.

Going through a break up can take it’s toll. You may find yourself
obsessing over details, losing sleep, and just trying to figure "it
all out". This can really bring you down. Here are some tips to take care of your emotional self:

•spend time with others whose company you enjoy
•stay in contact with important people in your life
•treat yourself kindly
•feel proud if yourself
•reread favorite books, review favorite movies
•allow yourself to cry
•find things that make you laugh
•express your outrage constructively
•spend time with your pets and children

Taking care of your emotional self is only one step in healing, but an important one to take.

I know after a breakup you just want to stay inside of your apartment in your bed watching Days of Our Lives. Although I love me some Days, this is only healthy for a short time. You cannot get yourself fired over a breakup. It is so not worth it. You need to get out. You need to see that the sun still rises everyday. The world did not stop even though it does feel like that in your heart.

You need to work. Not just for the financial aspects but for the mental ones, too. It forces you to get out of the house and be around others. Although this do not sound appealing at all right now, it is so important. Human interaction is crucial at this time. Notice I say human because your dog does not count. Fido might be great to help you through but you need others. You need to talk to others.

Now this brings up a sticky situation. You should not be in your office spending countless hours talking to your co-workers or, God forbid, your boss about your breakup. You can let them know that you have broken up with your significant other and you are having a hard time but you will do your best to leave it outside of the office. This is professional and it will let them know that you may not be 100% but you are going to try to put it aside for the 8 hours you are in your place of work. And honestly, during a breakup, how great is it to have 8 hours of any distraction.  Pretty good, right.  Eight less hours that you will not be just wallowing in self-pity. 

Right now work is good for you.  Get out there, be productive and who knows, you might just find Mr. or Ms. Right in the elevator, on the subway, at Starbucks, or even on the way to your job!

We know it’s hard to get back on the dating scene after taking a hiatus! A million questions run through your mind: Will he or she like me? Do I look desperate? What do I say?  Those questions can be debilitating for someone who is ready to get on the scene but suffers from trepidation! We’ve put together some simple, quick "pick-up" strategies to help you get out of a slump.

Setting: Gym

1. Bad: stare longingly at that gym hottie from afar
2. Good: Ask her or him to spot you, or if they’ve ever taken a class
3. Awesome: Ask to spot her or him, or to join you for a class

Setting: Barnes and Noble or some other book store

1. Bad:  Avoid eye contact at all costs.
2. Good:  Ask the cutie about the book she or he is reading
3. Awesome: Grab the same book, and tell her or him that they have excellent taste

Setting: Bar/Restaurant

1. Bad: Hide out in the corner with your friends
2. Good: send her or him a drink
3. Awesome: send her or him an appetizer to share with friends