When you experience any type of heartache it is completely normal to cry. You need to get your emotions out. We know that it is not pleasant to feel pain and sadness but you are human and unfortunately, it is all part of the human experience. It is normal to cry. It is normal to be sad. It is normal to feel pain.

The only thing we ask is that while being sad and feeling the pain that you know that this too shall pass. We know it is a cliché, but it is so true. Hang in there and it will get better. At the time you are going through heartbreak, it feels as if grief will overwhelm you, but it won’t. You will be happy again. You will laugh again. Just have faith that you can get over this hurdle.

We have found that we have learned so much about ourselves through breakups. We are the women that we are today because of the relationships that we had in the past. We are much better partners to our significant others because we have learned so much from our exs. And we have much better partners because we chose not (or it was chosen for us) to end up with our exs.

It is so much easier on this side of the fence. Here’s another cliché that we love…Hindsight is 20/20. Oh, how true that is. We can look back and even laugh at our heartbreak. Although, at the time it felt terrible it led us to the people we are in relationships with now. And that is a GREAT thing!

We want to give you reassurance that the person you are meant to be with is out there and this breakup will help you to find your better half. So cry, be sad, feel the pain but know that this is going to end up being a really good beginning to your next chapter.

It is our instinct to want to know why we get tossed aside. If you think about it, the pain from a break up really isn’t so much about longing for the other person, it is about the unanswered question as to why that person no longer wants to be with you! You, and your ego, want some answers.

BHR is asking you not to spend your time and energy obsessing, dissecting, and worrying over a situation that no longer serves you. If you had the strength to let go of all of the questions, and just look forward to your new future, your healing process would turn into Godspeed!

If you are meant to know all the answers, they will present themselves at the right time. So, challenge yourself, and look forward to brighter days ahead. Who knows? By the time you get your answers, you may no longer care what they are.

We are not underscoring the pain of a breakup. It’s tough. Days crying. Lot’s of questions.  Self-Doubt.  And emotions that run the gamut of sadness. 

But, once you look past the trees into the proverbial forest, you will see that you can learn a lot from a break up, all of which will benefit you in future relationships to come.  Here are some tips to make that break up a break-thru event in your life:

1.    Dissect why the relationship didn’t work.  This is not a blame game. Your list should focus on general things that contributed to the break up.  Thing general categories here, such as "Distance" or "Communications."  From this list, identify what you value.  If the distance was hard, make sure you only date people that live close to you.  If the communications were off, work on your own communications and identify partners who exhibit the skills and traits of great communicators.

2.    Be in ICU.  Treat yourself like you’re in intensive care after a break up. Nurture yourself. Learn about  yourself.  Get therapy, personal training, or other professional help. Be coachable and help yourself recover. You’ll have more clarity after!

3.    Get an ego boost. You may think it is unthinkable to go out on dates after going through a break up. On the contrary, go on AS MANY DATES AS YOU CAN. Go out with the blonde bookworm from Starbucks.  Take your workmate up on the drinks offer.   Ask that tan hottie from the gym to drinks. Going on dates will not only help you forget about your ex, but it will help you get an ego boost from someone who is genuinely interested in you!

If you do these three things, we guarantee your break up will be a break-thru! You will learn about yourself, your past relationship, and will get a couple compliments in the process.

And when someone asks you how you’re doing post-break up, tell them it was a break-thru!

So what happens if you ask and they say no? Well, you gave them the chance. And then you must re-evaluate if this is something that you are willing to put up with in the long haul. How important is it to you? If this is a deal breaker, and he or she cannot do it, then you must let him or her go. You will not change someone if he does not want to change himself.

If you sit in silence and let something eat away at you because you are afraid of what the other person might say then you are being unfair to you and to him. You need to communicate. Be very neutral and say what you want. Be clear and concise. Let him ask questions. Have a dialogue. And be proactive. You only get what you want from someone, and from life in general, when you ask.

A break up is the time to say goodbye and give the person the reason you no longer want to be in the relationship.

Along those lines, a break up is the time to take accountability for your feelings. Instead of breaking the other person down with all the reasons why he or she isn’t perfect, tell them why you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. Here are some examples:

"I feel we are growing apart because…"

"I can’t move past X and it is not fair to either of us…"

The key to taking accountability and not breaking you significant other down in the process is to talk about how you feel and why you feel that way.

Maintain your integrity, be accountable, and walk away knowing you did the most you could to minimize hurt feelings unnecessarily!

At BHR, the first thing we want you to do is take off your rose colored glasses. If you and your ex parted ways because it was the next natural step in your dead-end relationship, then fine. But, if you were hurt by a specific and malicious wrong doing, and you find yourself sticking up for them and their actions, then there is a problem.

The first thing to look at is dependency. When someone hurts you, and you allow it, there may be an issue of dependent behavior and low self esteem. These two things go hand in hand, and are a dreadful combination. If you are defending your ex and his hurtful actions, you are giving your power away, and were likely doing so when you were together as well.

We want you to start sticking up for you. Instead of saying, "Yes, he hurt me when he slept with my sister’s best friend, but I know he still loves me", say, "Yes, he hurt me when he slept with my sister’s best friend, and he is a ROYAL ASSHOLE!"

It may feel strange at first, even uncomfortable, but do it. Slowly, you will feel your power creeping back into your veins. Soon enough, the rose color will become crystal clear, and you will love wearing your nice new set of shades.

No wonder it is hard to break up with your ex’s pooch!  We often forget that when we break up with someone, we may also have to break up with a pet.  This is sometimes even harder than breaking up with the person.

After all, who innocently showered you with unconditional affection throughout the relationship?

Here are some coping strategies for breaking up with Fido:

1. Get a Fido of your own. He will never replace your ex’s pet, but it will give you a new companion!

2. Work out joint custody. This will only work if you are on good terms with your ex.

3. Volunteer to Walk Dogs or at a Dog Adoption Clinic. This will engage you positive interaction with little nuggets!

Most importantly, know in your heart that your ex will take care of the one furry, little thing you had in common!

People break up because a relationship doesn’t work, and not because of superficial things. Trust us when we say a breakup is not caused by your bank balance or because you’re 20 reps short of a 6-pack. And, if it was, that person is not the person for you!

Negative self-talk is also not productive. After a breakup, steer away from trying to blame yourself for the breakup. While it is good to be reflective and try to figure out what went wrong, remember that it is very unusual for a break up to be one-sided. It takes two!

Don’t blame yourself. Focus objectively on the reasons leading to the breakup. Move forward confidently, taking what you’ve learned from relationships past with you in the future!

 

1. Can your ex enrich your life as a friend?

 

2. Can you be friends (and only friends) with your ex without lusting over them?

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2. 3. Can you both mutually look past negative fallout (if any) from the breakup?

4. 4. Will your continuing relationship with your ex affect any of your present relationships?

6. 5. Do you really want to have a friendship with your ex?

Again, there is no clear answer. The answer depends on your own circumstances and those which led to the breakup. As always, all relationships should be enriching and those you want to be in. If you do opt for the post-breakup friendship route, make sure to keep asking yourself the list of questions above continually to make sure you are your happiest you!

In the beginning, we all put our best foot forward. It is natural (and o.k.) to step into a "character" that we would want to impress our beloved with. But after the dress rehearsal, who are you?

It is important, especially after a split, to stay true to your authentic self. Many times we tend to play "another" character post break-up, usually in the hopes that our ex will see "how great and wonderful" we are without them! This is normal, but putting up a false front can be exhausting. There is no shame in stepping out of the spotlight and taking time to yourself. This is a good time to reflect on your life, new goals, and healing your heart. Don’t worry about what your ex (and others) think about you, and do not create a false sense of self due to your pride.

Remember, acting can be a tough job, and your only job is to take care of yourself and your heart!