So, you have been single for a while… A "while" may be two weeks or two years, but whatever the case, you feel ready to get back on the dating scene.

Most of us have a type. This is normal, and ok. It probably feels comfortable as you get back out there to date the kind of person you usually do. But how about mixing it up for once?

If you usually go for the all business, type A personality type, why not go for an artsy, unique type? Or vice versa. Even people from different backgrounds and cultures would be very exciting. The key here is to step outside of your element and test new waters. Not only will you learn new things, but you may also realize that you enjoy these new things! As well, your new dates will have a lot to learn from you!

Remember, dating should be fun, and testing new waters will lead you to higher grounds.

I would never love again.

No one could ever love me!

Sound familiar? That’s what I thought after my break up. If life only had a fast forward button to month 3 post break up, I would have avoided a pity party and a lot of heartache.

My break up was bad because it was unexpected. And it was unexpected because it should have been me to end it. I shouldn’t have even dated the douche – I mean dude – in the first place. He was an aspiring actor/playboy/promoter who only cared about his (speculative, at best) career.

So I took it hard when he called it quits (or just stopped calling me).  I tried to piece together what I had done wrong for 3 solid months. I did all the BHR exercises. In that self-discovery (probationary) period, I realize that it was not me. It was him.

Now, that’s pretty profound. I realized he wanted to hang with strippers (not exaggerating). He wanted to spend money on his wardrobe and other, eh hem, hobbies. He wanted to spend time with single guys and girls in cabanas in pools in Vegas. Those things are totally fine, but strippers, poor money management, and blitz-faced boys weekends are not my thing.

Once I realized he was not for me as much as I was not for him, it was like the clouds of heaven opened up.  Great things started happening around me with my job, my friends, and my love life.  Just like clock-work, I met new non-stripper-loving hotties with actual careers right after the probationary period ended.

Moral of the story? Take time after a break up to reflect. It gets better and a good benchmark to assess your progress is the 3 month probationary period.

Ok, you have tried all types of things to ease your break up blues. You have had countless talks with your friends over your ex, gotten massages, had long walks on the beach, etc… But have you tried listening to upbeat music?

Studies have shown that one of the best mood lifters is music. But beware of the tunes that you play. Somber, slow ballads, or dramatic songs can pull you deeper into the hole of depression. But throw on some fun dance music, enticing salsa, or even authentic world beat music, and your feelings will dramatically lift.

Music is one of the most positive therapies that exist. While you are cleaning the house, running errands, or just hanging out, playing these pumping tunes will speed your road to recovery.  As well, if you find relief in mediation or relaxing, throw on some soothing electronica or new age to calm the soul.

Who knew therapy was so accessible? And remember to explore your horizons. Fresh new songs will pull you out of your past and have you dancing into your future!

We are not underscoring the pain of a breakup. It’s tough. Days crying. Lot’s of questions.  Self-Doubt.  And emotions that run the gamut of sadness. 

But, once you look past the trees into the proverbial forest, you will see that you can learn a lot from a break up, all of which will benefit you in future relationships to come.  Here are some tips to make that break up a break-thru event in your life:

1.    Dissect why the relationship didn’t work.  This is not a blame game. Your list should focus on general things that contributed to the break up.  Thing general categories here, such as "Distance" or "Communications."  From this list, identify what you value.  If the distance was hard, make sure you only date people that live close to you.  If the communications were off, work on your own communications and identify partners who exhibit the skills and traits of great communicators.

2.    Be in ICU.  Treat yourself like you’re in intensive care after a break up. Nurture yourself. Learn about  yourself.  Get therapy, personal training, or other professional help. Be coachable and help yourself recover. You’ll have more clarity after!

3.    Get an ego boost. You may think it is unthinkable to go out on dates after going through a break up. On the contrary, go on AS MANY DATES AS YOU CAN. Go out with the blonde bookworm from Starbucks.  Take your workmate up on the drinks offer.   Ask that tan hottie from the gym to drinks. Going on dates will not only help you forget about your ex, but it will help you get an ego boost from someone who is genuinely interested in you!

If you do these three things, we guarantee your break up will be a break-thru! You will learn about yourself, your past relationship, and will get a couple compliments in the process.

And when someone asks you how you’re doing post-break up, tell them it was a break-thru!

A big stress relief is exercise. Most people know this, but do they practice it? Getting your heart rate up releases natural endorphins. Those are your body’s "feel good" factors. Also, the earlier in the day that you exercise, the better. Your endorphins will continue to release throughout the rest of your day, until you go to sleep.

Another great natural remedy is St. Johns Wort. This herb is nature’s Prozac! In fact, studies have shown that St. Johns Wort has helped just as well, if not better, than Prozac in relieving the blues and depression. If taken as directed and regularly, St. Johns Wort could be a huge help to your emotional recovery.

Also, plenty of sleep and water is essential. Make your goal of at

least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. Also, eight glasses of water will flush you out. Squeeze half a lemon in each glass, because lemon is a natural detox and anti-oxidant. This will help you feel refreshed, calm, and clean.

So, get your zzz’s, wash down your herbs with lemon water, and get your heart pumping for at least half an hour a day. You will be amazed at the new person you will become.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m with a player. How did you end up here? He seemed like such a nice guy at the beginning. Or was he? He was nice when he called. He was nice when he showed up. He was nice when he remembered your name! Eek!

You never thought you would end up with a player. You are a smart girl with goals. You’ve seen your friends with those guys. You never thought you would be one of those girls, until you were that girl.

We have all been there. Once I dated a guy that borrowed his girlfriend’s car to take me out on a date but I didn’t find out until much later! Ouch! How did I end up there? I’ll tell you how. I missed all of the signs.

Here are some signs to look for:

-He always has excuses. Excuses as to why he couldn’t be somewhere. Excuses for why he was late. Excuses for why he didn’t call. Excuses for why there were pieces of paper with girls’ names and numbers on them.

-He is a smooth talker. Not only did he have excuses but he could say anything so sweetly that you would believe the sky was purple, if he said it was purple.

-He won’t act affectionate in public. He didn’t want anyone to know you were together but used the excuse that he didn’t like PDA. You don’t need a public make-out session that parents with small children would complain about, but you do need your hand held once in awhile.

-He has shaky alibis. He said he was one place but his buddy slips and mentions that your man had been somewhere else.

-He never wants to make firm plans. When you ask him to do something, he always says, “Yeah, that sounds good. We’ll see.” But he never commits to being somewhere until the day of or hours before a date.

-He loves to say he’s a ladies man. He likes to brag to anyone that will listen that women love him. Which really means, he loves the ladies, and not just one.

-He never gives real gifts. All of his gifts look like last minute items that he picked up at 7-11 on his way to see you. You can tell that there is no thought or reasoning behind them. You know that this was not a well-thought out purchase, but a last minute scramble to find something that was “suitable”.

-He has secret conversations. DING, DING, DING! Red flag!! He says that he is talking to his “friends” but he always has to take it outside or in another room away from you.

-People are telling you that he is being unfaithful. Most of the time, if someone is going to put their neck on the line to tell you that your guy is cheating, he probably is.

-You have a bad feeling in your gut. If you have a bad feeling, there probably is some logical reasoning behind it. We have intuition for a reason. It is there to tell us to watch out for danger. So listen to yourself and follow your instinct.

The bottom line is that there are always going to be signs. Players will give off signs and usually more than one. Unless you want your heart broken, stay away. You will not change him. We repeat, YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM! And why waste your precious time trying to change someone? There are so many good guys out there. Use your time wisely to find a good guy and then you won’t have to worry about Celine Dion cds and jasmine body lotion is his car. Trust us, good advice!

-Do you have a box of all the crap from your old relationship? Toss it!

-Do you hoard envelopes of the empty promises they once made to you?

Burn them!

-What about cute panties or intimates that you shared together? Tear them up!

You must make clean space in your new life. Not only does this open the door for a new love, but clears out all the old and negative energy you have surrounded yourself with. Also, it gives you a great reason to go shopping!

Simply put: he is a Peter Pan.

We are always shocked by break ups. But, we can’t say we were totally shocked by this one!

Pete is the classic Pete…eh hem…Peter Pan.

He lives in LA LA Land, and doesn’t want to grow up! Men like him avoid anything adult-ish and shy away from women when they ask for a man. After all, they are just boys in men’s bodies.

The Peter Pan breakup usually happens suddenly – like an earthquake shattering your world! One minute he is flying into your arms; the other he is flying away.

This break up is usually precipitated by a series of relationship milestones, like anniversaries, significant birthdays, or other major life events that take maturity to deal with (in Pete and Ashlee’s case, kids, marriage, and fledgling music careers). One day everything is fine. The next, it’s like WHAM "I need space to fly."

Word to the wise?

Constantly evaluate how your mate handles the growing pains of a relationship. If he deals with anxiety by "boys nights" or hanging out with beautiful women to remind him he is attractive, he is Peter Pan (or Pete Wentz) in the making. Fly away quick!!

Starting a new relationship can be a fun and exciting time. The first few months, often know as "the honeymoon phase," is incredible and almost intoxicating. As the relationship progresses, you may move into a different type of love. This phase has a sense of "normalcy" to it, and often offers more mutual respect than in the beginning. Creating a healthy relationship after the honeymoon phase is key, because this sets you up for the rest of your courtship.

Many people have an addiction to the high they experience in the honeymoon phase. After the this wears off, they are left unfulfilled and restless. This is usually around the time that it seems like your partner "has changed." The reality is that they have not changed, but become the person who they actually are. Now you are dealing with your true mate. The person he/she was during the courtship was a facade, and now you see, what may be, the ugly truth.

You may have been with someone like this in the past. Keep your eye out for this in future relationships. This is very common, and a smart person will be patient and look for signs. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the honeymoon phase, but stay strong and do not get swept away. The real beauty lies in what is to come down the road, not what is right in front of your nose.

So what happens if you ask and they say no? Well, you gave them the chance. And then you must re-evaluate if this is something that you are willing to put up with in the long haul. How important is it to you? If this is a deal breaker, and he or she cannot do it, then you must let him or her go. You will not change someone if he does not want to change himself.

If you sit in silence and let something eat away at you because you are afraid of what the other person might say then you are being unfair to you and to him. You need to communicate. Be very neutral and say what you want. Be clear and concise. Let him ask questions. Have a dialogue. And be proactive. You only get what you want from someone, and from life in general, when you ask.