-Go for a walk.

-Spend time in nature.

-Call a good friend.

-Sweat out tension with a good workout.

-Write in your journal.

-Take a long bath.

-Light scented candles

-Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.

-Play with a pet.

-Work in your garden.

-Get a massage.

-Curl up with a good book.

-Listen to music.

-Watch a comedy

If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

Here’s an example: one of our clients emailed us frantic because her beau-of-the-moment posted a questionable status update on a popular social networking site that said "rocking out at [insert popular bar here]."  For our client, the questionable part was not the Jersey Shore reference.  The questionable part for her was "who is he rocking out with?" and "is she a 5’9 supermodel?" and "is her tongue down his throat?"   She immediately wanted to break up with her otherwise (her words) "amazing" guy who she’d been seeing for several months.

We’re going to give you the self-evaluation tips that we gave our client to help you if you hit one of these road bumps:

1.    Identify what upset you.    Are you upset because you have something to be upset about, or are you just speculating?  Figuring out what upset you is the best starting point.  For our client, it was the status update which suggested he was having fun without her.

2.    Take one step back.     Try to be objective. We know, it’s difficult to be objective when it’s your relationship. But, take a step back, and pretend you’re advising your best girl or guy friend.  What would you tell them? Write that down, and say it out loud to yourself.

3.    Figure out why you’re upset.  In our client’s case, she didn’t care that he was at the popular bar with his guy friends.  What she cared about is that his play-by-play of the club scene evoked images of scantily clad club-goers, and the debauchery that we only read about in USWeekly.  She was previously cheated on, and assumed that this "awesome" guy would not be able to resist the temptations that her past boyfriends were unable to resist.  Figure out why you’re upset – is it because you think they’ll cheat on you? they’ll break up with you because they find someone more attractive? And then move on to step four to determine…

4.    Is it you, or is it them?  Obviously, if the person has given you a reason to be upset, then it might be time to call it quits.  However, if the road bump is something that is a caused by your speculation, jealousy, or extreme caution (side note: we think it’s good to be cautious), take a deep breath before you resort to breaking up. 

5.    Talk to your significant other.  This is the tough part.  You can’t suffer in silence, and a good partner will listen to you and try to work through your emotions.  We recommend not being accusatory, and just being honest: "I appreciate/love/like/care about you so much, but, my insecurities/past relationships/etc. are getting the best of me and it’s not your fault.  I just have to let you know what I’m struggling with.  You see, the other day when…"  Direct? Yes. Uncomfortable? Yes.  But, it’s probably a more subtle approach than saying "I know you cheated on me with that Victoria Secret model when you went clubbing last week! Tell me you didn’t"

We hope these tips will help you next time you hit a road bump in your relationship.  Remember, the key to an effective relationship is communication and confidence.  Engage in both, and you will have success in any relationship.

•Your significant other is verbally or physically abusive
•He or she makes you feel like you’re begging for affection
•He or she makes you pay for affection
•You catch him or her red-handed in the act
•You do not share the same fundamental values as your significant other

There are, of course, other red flags to watch for, but, this list is a good starting point to evaluate whether it’s time to pay heed to that warning.

First, get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex or old lovers.  That "box full of memories" under the bed? Throw it out. All of it.  Also, toss pictures, shirts, and basically any memorabilia of the people of the past. Not only does this create new space, it opens up the way for new people to enter your life.

Next, get new sheets. Your last set was romped around in by lovers of long ago. Fresh sheets and linens will now only have the scent of YOU on them.

Also, if you are really wanting to change and freshen up your place, paint your walls a new color! This will create an atmosphere that is totally new.

When you have your place looking (and feeling) different that before, it is totally liberating. Things of the past really become just that.  You deserve to have this happiness and new freedom. It is time to celebrate the new you!

1. It is a one sided friendship. It is their world and you’re just living in it. You find yourself accommodating them all of the time.

2. It is boring. Life is too short to be bored. We are cerebral creatures and need stimuli. If the most stimulating thing your friend has to say is how many calories she at for lunch, it’s time to say "check please."

3. Your friend is mean. This is the most obvious reason to break up with a friend. However, you would believe how much bullying people put up with just because they went to kindergarten/college/or any other school environment with someone! Next time your "friend" criticizes your appearance or hits on your significant other, ask them to explain why you’re still friends.

4. They guilt you into things. Someone who truly respects you, your time, and your commitments would never try to make you feel guilty for not going with them somewhere or not doing something for them. Say bon voyage next time your "friend" gives you a guilt trip.

Just remember, learning to let go is an important quality to have. When the bad outweighs the good, sometimes you just have to do it.

1. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t expect to “get over” a break up in one day. Rebuilding yourself after a break up is like rebuilding a city. It takes time. Realize that you need to start with basic building blocks (e.g. Shelter, food, rest) to build a strong foundation.

2. Time heals all wounds. Like the pain suffered in a physical injury, pain from a break up is treatable with proper care. Though you can’t take an advil to heal the pain from a break up, you can take other steps to heal your heart. Take walks. Cook yourself a nice dinner. Relax. Figure out what and who makes you happy to make time pass more pleasantly.

3. If you fail to plan, plan to fail. You must take control of all aspects of your life after a break up. If you had certain rituals with your ex on certain nights, plan something else. If there are certain triggers that will make you sad or reminiscent, avoid them. If you inherit friends (or family) in a break up, control and manage your communications by coming up with buzz phrases to avoid talking about “what it was” or “what it might have been.”

4. Ask and you shall receive. It is important to ask for what you need during a break up period. If you want to spend time with friends, ask them. If you need time alone, ask for it. If you need help from a professional, ask for it.

5. Just do it. You CAN do it. Healing after a broken heart may seem like an insurmountable task but it is not. Just trust in yourself and your support network that you will get through it!

Walking is a great way to heal a broken heart. Not only is it heart-healthy, but it is a great way to heal the mind through meditation and reflection upon a relationship. It does not (typically)require the endurance running or other “heeling” activities, so it is easy to put on your comfiest shoes and just let your mind and body wander.

Take the time to breathe. Take the time to think. Take the time to reflect. Just take the time for you.

Healing after a break up is not easy. Adopting new rituals and doing things to heal your heart are more important than ever. Using your heels to heal your heart is just one thing that we suggest to help you do that.

If you find yourself single during the holidays, what should you do? Well, we will tell you. Here is our list of the top 10 things to do for the holidays if you are single:

1.Find other single friends and hit the town. This is a great time to celebrate whatever holiday it is with other people that are looking to mingle.

2.Dress for the holiday. We are not saying to dress head-to-toe like a leprechaun but a cute button that says “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” is always appropriate. Plus, it will invite people to talk to you.

3.Throw a party. Tell everyone you invite to invite at least one single male or female friend. This way you will have a new diverse group that you can celebrate with and who knows you may even make a love connection.

4.Volunteer. Find a charity that is doing something for the holiday you are celebrating and donate your time. This is a great way to make you feel better and meet new people.

5.Bring cookies or baked goods to your cute neighbor and let him know you just wanted to be festive. The way to a man’s heart is through yummy cookies.

6.Dress up your dog and bring him or her to a dog park. This will be a great way for people to start up conversations with you. If you don’t have a dog, borrow a friend’s.

7.Check out your local paper online for fun activities to do in your area. Try something new that you have always wanted to try. Bring a single friend and make it a contest to see who can talk to the most people.

8.Run a holiday race. Lots of holidays have races built around them. This is a great way to workout and to interact with some really good looking, in-shape people.

9.Go on a trip. Find a fun place that you think other singles will flock to and head out of town with a friend. Ask a travel agent or scour the internet for places that unattached people are headed for a good time.

10.Do something special for yourself. Go get a massage, take a long bubble bath or get a mani/pedi. Read a book. Whatever makes you happy. You need to treat yourself with kindness and love. You are special and deserve to be treated like the prince or princess you are.

This is common for people who are living solo. Not having a constant companion to bounce ideas and stories off of can be strange, especially if you have been used to doing that in the past. But here at BHR, we have a few ways to help ease those not-so-great days.

1. Start a “Good Day” journal.

Writing down your feelings when you are sad is easy. How about keeping a journal only for the days that you feel good? When you are happy and feeling great about your single life, write it down. Document what you love about it. When you are having sad day, reference your “Good Day” journal. Remind yourself of your positive emotions.

2. Challenge your thoughts.

It is easy to get into a mental routine. This means to repeat the same thoughts and emotions over and over. Next time you find yourself going to the same negative thought that you have been having for a long time, challenge it with a different thought. Make these thoughts mirrors, and completely reverse your feeling on it.

3. Adopt a pet.

If you do not have a pet, now may be a great time to get one. Animals bring much life into a home, and are wonderful companions! Your local shelter will have many animals that are in need of a good home, and knowing that you rescued a life will bring much joy to your heart! If you feel you are not ready for the responsibility of an animal, plants and flowers in your home will bring life into it.

4. Create a list of your perfect mate.

Make a list of ten things that you want out of a partner. Be as specific as possible. This list will be your guide. If you begin dating, see how your date matches this list. Do not compromise and stay as true to what you desire as possible.

Being single can be a very exciting time in your life! Know that it is common and ok to have lonely days. But remember; the one thing worse than being alone is wishing that you were alone.