We will have a “Broken Heart Blogger” every couple of weeks.  It will be someone we choose that is going through a breakup.  We will be giving him/her advice and asking our blogger to incorporate it into their blog.  We hope this helps you to see that you are not alone and gives you new ways to deal with your broken heart.

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Ashley

DAY 1

I am crushed. I have been seeing this guy on and off for two years now. He has been doing the whole “yo-yo” thing the whole time, but I can’t seem to break away from him. One day he is so into it, and the next he’s not! I don’t understand.
I am not sure if there is someone else. I don’t think there is, but
who knows? I am always feeling drained, and I feel like all I think
about is him. I wonder “what mood” he is in that day. I cannot focus in school and my job is suffering, but I feel like every thought is revolved around him.  Two years is a long time to he torturing myself, but it is like I am addicted to the cycle and can’t break free. I hope one day we can either be together or I can move on. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

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DAY 3

Sitting in my pajamas eating Tijuana Flats and watching re-runs of The Hills.  Waiting for my phone to ring.  We are on a “break”.  I just want to know what is going on with us.  Should I stay or should I go?  Need to get a life.  It helps that I have sent some texts to him-ugh, that is pathetic.  I should stick to my guns and not contact him.  At least I know he is alive.  Just wish he would pick up the phone and confess his undying love to me.  Is that too much to ask for??  I don’t think so.  It happens all of the time.  Usually not as dramatic as in the movies but still.  I’ll sulk today but tomorrow is a new day.  I can do it.  I hope.

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Neely

I keep going back and forth.  Should I be with him?  Should we be broken up?  I just can’t answer that.  I don’t want to.  I don’t want things to change.  I want to be happy but if we break up, I know unhappiness will pursue.  But then will there be happiness?  I don’t know.  I can’t look past today and my sadness.  I need help.  I need someone to answer the question for me.  I don’t know if I am strong enough to do it on my own.

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Sophia

DAY 2 AD (After Death…of Relationship)

If I had wrote this blog entry yesterday (Day 1), you would have read paragraphs of anger and rage, putting all the blame on my ex-boyfriend and his anger issues. I would have told you (angrily) that the fact that I hadn’t cried since we broke up spoke volumes. I could have told you about the Facebook update wars, and my incessant stalking of his page to see what his friends were saying about his status going from relationship to single (damn the internet!). But today, that all changed. Like a lightning bolt hitting my brain, I suddenly realized that I was to blame for a part of the demise of my relationship, and I did cry. And as luck would have it, it happened at work, and I had to hurry down to the ladies room to try to control myself and the splotchy redness taking over my face.

I could tell you all the details about why we broke up, but the bottom line is that he was ready to settle down and I wasn’t – I know, a very strange situation for a woman to be in. We were also very different. Our personalities, the way we handled situations, our life goals – all of it was different. But my not being ready for this relationship to be THE relationship of my life contributed to a lot of our problems, caused a lot of fights that never should have been, and caused me to think and act like I was the person who mattered most in the relationship. But in the end, no matter what happened, who did what, and how much we may still love each other, we broke up.

I have a million emotions going through my body at any given second. There’s the grateful part of me, who still knows I have many single adventures left to experience. There’s the sad part of me, who has this deep, gaping hole where my boyfriend and my relationship once were. There’s the part of me that wonders if I am normal. So many of my friends are single and desperately want to meet the man they could settle down with, so why am I tossing a good fish back into the water? However, I think I am mostly upset because I feel like, in some ways, I brought this on myself. I brought this pain on myself. I was the one not ready to commit; I was the one making my boyfriend jump through hoops at times. Sure, he wasn’t perfect and is responsible for 50% of the cause of our breakup, but that means I am responsible for the other half. I constantly wonder why I can’t settle down. Why do I feel the need to move around and travel like a nomad? Why can’t I just settle down with the man I love and have it be enough?

I have been through heart break once before. I didn’t have any control over that situation though. The guy just fell out of love with me – the worst thing a woman can possibly hear. I remember crying for days and days, holding my chest as if my heart was just going to fall out at any time. I don’t feel like that this time around. Is it because it wasn’t as long of a relationship, not as serious? Did I not love this current ex as much? On some level, do I subconsciously know that the breakup was the right thing to do? I can’t answer that. Almost four years later, I can look back at that first breakup and feel relieved. I know that it was the right thing to breakup, and I became a stronger person after going through that pain. So if I got through that and learned what I did, my brain tells me that I’ll make it through this.

But the deep, gaping hole of where my relationship/boyfriend were wants to pull me down. Instead of taking the time and space I need, I feel the desire to talk to my ex boyfriend, to keep him in my life. I wish there were a way to be friends immediately after a break up, so you don’t have to give up your addiction to the person…or maybe that the addiction would just gradually fade. But unfortunately, I know that love doesn’t work like that. So it’s a struggle to not call him, to not text him. Part of me wants to fix the relationship, promise to work on my part, promise to compromise more, promise to be more in this relationship than I had been. But the other part of me doesn’t. The other part of me wants to have my crazy adventures and be single for awhile. That other part of me isn’t sure this guy is the one for me and doesn’t want me to waste another minute of either of our time. It’s the impossible angel-on-one-shoulder-devil-on-the-other situation.

So today, there is no resolution. There are no answers. It’s me sitting at home alone on a Friday night. Isn’t that what you do after a break up? You have to learn how to be alone again…

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DAY 4 AD (After Death…of Relationship)

Today has been a day filled with thinking, the results of a Day 3 talk with the ex. It wasn’t a great talk but I do feel some things were addressed. He took responsibility for his fault in the break up – his anger, being unsure of how to be in a relationship after 10 years of being single, and of not better handling my needs and wants in a relationship. I took responsibility for my behavior – the provoking of fights, being scared of the seriousness of our relationship, thinking and behaving like I wore the pants in the relationship. We agreed to take the rest of Saturday and Sunday and think about what we both wanted, and then we’d talk on Monday when we met to get my stuff from his apartment (on neutral ground). However, patience has never been a virtue of mine, and I have the strong desire to call him and hash it all out. But there is a lot to think about, and it’s in my best interest to give myself (and him) time to think.

I seemed relatively satisfied with the outcome from that conversation….I just needed to think about what I really wanted in life, what my goals really were, if I really wanted to make this relationship work. The problem is that those answers don’t come over night, nor do they probably come in a week, two weeks, or even a month. The main issue at hand is whether or not I feel I can make changes to give this relationship a second chance. Of course, I am not alone. There is another person who has to ask himself that exact same question. Hopefully our answers are the same, but part of me worries that they won’t be. If I choose to try again, to try to make this relationship work, what if he doesn’t want to? Or vice versa. What if it’s better to cut our losses now? What if we leave things broken, and in ten years, I look back and regret that I didn’t try a little harder to make this relationship work? Is love the basic element in life and all the rest is just background music? Or like the song says is love sometimes just not enough? Obviously, these are all questions that can’t be answered in two days. In fact, I think a leap of faith has to be taken in one direction or the other…but which direction?

I’ve tried to spend some time thinking about my next step in life, what goals of mine are realistic or not, how I could possibly fulfill those goals and still be in this relationship. I tried to think of his pro’s and con’s and considered making a list like Miranda does in the Sex and the City movie (of COURSE I watched that…3 big break ups in that movie!), but then realized that the person we fall in love with doesn’t always have all the checkmarks in front of the boxes that we want in our perfect man. And I’m not perfect myself. Does one huge pro (the deep down to my soul happiness when I’m with this person) beat the huge con (anger issues stemming from childhood)? Do all the little, petty cons (smoking stains on his teeth, skinny calves, looks like a teenager when clean-shaven, not very well-endowed, doesn’t make a lot of money) make me the shallow one for even considering those factors? The chances of me meeting a Johnny Depp look a like are very slim.

After talking to Broken Heart Rehab, they made me realize two things – (1) if I do have serious goals that aren’t fulfilled, I could wind up resenting him for making me give them up and (2) even if we get back together, it doesn’t mean that we have to stay together forever. We could try again, try to implement our new wisdom and changes, and see where that takes us. If two months from now, we are still fighting, then the answer is obvious. Or if two months from now, everything is great, then obviously it was well worth the second chance. Maybe we both needed a wake up call. If you think about it in that regard, it doesn’t seem like a second chance is such a terrible idea. But as hopeful as I can be in trying again, what if he doesn’t feel the same? What if 4 days of holding out hope is all shattered in an instant when he says he just wants to leave things broken? There is a quote out there that says something like “sometimes it’s best to leave the pieces broken, rather than hurt yourself more by trying to put them back together.”

So instead of thinking of my future goals and dreams (which definitely won’t be decided by the meeting time tomorrow), maybe it’s wiser to think about what we can do to possibly save this relationship. But, what if it’s just the lonely part of me wanting a second chance? I guess that will be revealed in time though… A band-aid doesn’t help if you need stitches.