Broken Heart Rehab

Nothing truly heals a broken heart, except for time. But there are ways to manage one. Simple things can ease the healing process. The challenge is to break out of your everyday routine and make time for these simple techniques that can create a big difference in your day. After time, you will enjoy these things, and incorporate them into your day. Who knows? You just may feel better post break-up than you did before you met the bastard!

-Go for a walk.

-Spend time in nature.

-Call a good friend.

-Sweat out tension with a good workout.

-Write in your journal.

-Take a long bath.

-Light scented candles

-Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.

-Play with a pet.

-Work in your garden.

-Get a massage.

-Curl up with a good book.

-Listen to music.

-Watch a comedy

When you are single, it can be easy to focus on things you don’t want in a mate. For example, you have a first date with someone. You may find some things that you do like, and there may be quite a few. But, you find one thing that you do not like, and that is all you can think about. They may have a great job and smile, but their shoes were awful. There is your deal breaker. Sound familiar?

If you experience this dilemma, then don’t worry. You are not alone. Many people have "deal breakers" while out in the dating world. And it is good to set standards. But I believe sometimes standards can be set so high, they will never be met. Now you have created a problem for yourself.

Challenge your thinking. The next time you go on a date, change your "deal breakers" to "dealmakers." For one date, overlook the "bad" shoes or lame hairstyle, and find the things you do like. Now, focus on those positive aspects. Inquire about them. Do you like their eye color? Then make that a topic of discussion, and also share with your date that they have great eyes! If you shift your focus to the good, your experience will be totally different!

Everyone has at least one quality that is admirable. Remember that when going into the dating world. If you find at least one thing you dig in your date, it will be a success and much more comfortable. Just like a closet full of awesome shoes, dating should be fun and full of variety. You may have to try a bunch on before you find a great fit!

It is inevitable that at some point in a relationship, you will hit a road bump. While the degree and nature of the road bump will vary from relationship to relationship, disruption of the status quo in any relationship is enough to cause concern.  For some of us who hit these road bumps, our initial instinct might be to break up with the person.  Such a Draconian decision is not always necessary, and you should always take a step back before making a decision that could lead to a break-up.

Here’s an example: one of our clients emailed us frantic because her beau-of-the-moment posted a questionable status update on a popular social networking site that said "rocking out at [insert popular bar here]."  For our client, the questionable part was not the Jersey Shore reference.  The questionable part for her was "who is he rocking out with?" and "is she a 5’9 supermodel?" and "is her tongue down his throat?"   She immediately wanted to break up with her otherwise (her words) "amazing" guy who she’d been seeing for several months.

We’re going to give you the self-evaluation tips that we gave our client to help you if you hit one of these road bumps:

1.    Identify what upset you.    Are you upset because you have something to be upset about, or are you just speculating?  Figuring out what upset you is the best starting point.  For our client, it was the status update which suggested he was having fun without her.

2.    Take one step back.     Try to be objective. We know, it’s difficult to be objective when it’s your relationship. But, take a step back, and pretend you’re advising your best girl or guy friend.  What would you tell them? Write that down, and say it out loud to yourself.

3.    Figure out why you’re upset.  In our client’s case, she didn’t care that he was at the popular bar with his guy friends.  What she cared about is that his play-by-play of the club scene evoked images of scantily clad club-goers, and the debauchery that we only read about in USWeekly.  She was previously cheated on, and assumed that this "awesome" guy would not be able to resist the temptations that her past boyfriends were unable to resist.  Figure out why you’re upset – is it because you think they’ll cheat on you? they’ll break up with you because they find someone more attractive? And then move on to step four to determine…

4.    Is it you, or is it them?  Obviously, if the person has given you a reason to be upset, then it might be time to call it quits.  However, if the road bump is something that is a caused by your speculation, jealousy, or extreme caution (side note: we think it’s good to be cautious), take a deep breath before you resort to breaking up. 

5.    Talk to your significant other.  This is the tough part.  You can’t suffer in silence, and a good partner will listen to you and try to work through your emotions.  We recommend not being accusatory, and just being honest: "I appreciate/love/like/care about you so much, but, my insecurities/past relationships/etc. are getting the best of me and it’s not your fault.  I just have to let you know what I’m struggling with.  You see, the other day when…"  Direct? Yes. Uncomfortable? Yes.  But, it’s probably a more subtle approach than saying "I know you cheated on me with that Victoria Secret model when you went clubbing last week! Tell me you didn’t"

We hope these tips will help you next time you hit a road bump in your relationship.  Remember, the key to an effective relationship is communication and confidence.  Engage in both, and you will have success in any relationship.

Sometimes, we paint red flags white. We chose to ignore warning signs because we believe we can "make it work" or because we think "people can change."
Next time you pick up that paint brush, recognize that there are some red flags that can’t be ignored.

•Your significant other is verbally or physically abusive
•He or she makes you feel like you’re begging for affection
•He or she makes you pay for affection
•You catch him or her red-handed in the act
•You do not share the same fundamental values as your significant other

There are, of course, other red flags to watch for, but, this list is a good starting point to evaluate whether it’s time to pay heed to that warning.

It’s that time of year again! Spring is here. It’s the time of "out with the old, in with the new."  Every year, I spring clean my house. I get rid of old clothes (it is so hard to do that!) and re-vamp my pad. I love the change, and it is good for the soul to create space for new opportunity that is on the way.  This is also a good time to Spring clean your heart. There are quite a few ways to do this.

First, get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex or old lovers.  That "box full of memories" under the bed? Throw it out. All of it.  Also, toss pictures, shirts, and basically any memorabilia of the people of the past. Not only does this create new space, it opens up the way for new people to enter your life.

Next, get new sheets. Your last set was romped around in by lovers of long ago. Fresh sheets and linens will now only have the scent of YOU on them.

Also, if you are really wanting to change and freshen up your place, paint your walls a new color! This will create an atmosphere that is totally new.

When you have your place looking (and feeling) different that before, it is totally liberating. Things of the past really become just that.  You deserve to have this happiness and new freedom. It is time to celebrate the new you!